this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 11 points 1 hour ago

If anyone is unsure why women would chose the bear...

[–] drmoose@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

Dating in general these days seems like such a ugly slog I don't understand how people even find time to do something productive and play this dating game.

Feels like marriage is becoming very much desired again huh.

[–] F_OFF_Reddit@lemmy.world 14 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

Sending unwarranted dick picks should get you a sizeable fine, maybe 600 bucks and a 2 year registry in a sex offender list.

Give you a choice to stop fucking up and if you escalate and keep doing it then things get worse for oyu.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

Unsolicited naked pics have no place in society. We're not talking porn here, we're talking Joe sending a picture of his schlong to Mary like she is going to be ohh yeah let's do that.

People with that mindset are seriously damaging other people. They're the reason women are afraid to go on walks at dusk.

The penalty for that deserves some staying power. You're on the list; to get off the list, you need counseling and a psych eval. I'd go so far as to say mandatory house arrest until you get the counseling and eval.

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Why an expiry? It's the digital equivalent of flashing someone. In australia that gets you a six month sentence, a $1,100 fine, or both.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 9 points 3 hours ago

It would limit watering down the register with 'minor' offenses. It would also help avoid trapping an idiot teen in a negative spiral, due to a stupid drunken mistake 10 years previously.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works -3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

It's like she hasn't ever considered that there are men that don't even know it's happening.

But sure, yeah - I'm totally patting wannabe rapists on the back. I won't be reading misandry as a response to misogyny.

[–] yonaz@lemm.ee 5 points 1 hour ago

As I read this, she just tries to tell people, both men and women, about her experience. It’s not an uncommon experience either unfortunately. Isn’t that how men will get to ”know it’s happening”?

I know the initial reaction of feeling a bit hurt when someone makes broad statements about men, I’ve been there. But the more posts like hers I read, the more I understand the problem.

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world -2 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

I'm not excusing the behavior, nor do I do this. I am saying it's not nearly as ubiquitous as the author tries to make it seem. She's biased because it happened to her, and of course she would be. But, don't look at her claims as some sort of careful study.

It's not all men, it's not anywhere close to a majority. "There are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites..." still doesn't constitute a huge percentage of men. And, I'm sure only a small percentage of those are sharing original pictures. She has way overstated the problem.

[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Please show your data that states how many men share women's personal pics without consent.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works -4 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Sorry bro she did a study, not one single man out of billions is calling out this creepy shit. Really it's quite amazing, this is the first time we've all 100% agreed on anything.

[–] fishos@lemmy.world 8 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

"I went to places where people congregate for this kind of thing and was surprised there weren't people calling it out"

Well DUH. The normal people see that shit and don't bother to register an account on the forum to post. And if they do, the mods removed it. How is that surprising at all? There are numerous instances on Lemmy that have the same behaviour(albeit for normal hobbies). Are you really surprised that in the Conservative instances it's not wall to wall "you guys suck"?

This is just confirmation bias. You found what you were looking for while actively searching it out.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 hour ago

How dare your insult her internet skills, she did her own research!

[–] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 34 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

I know a lot of guys in the comments are saying they don’t see it so they don’t have the opportunity to call it out. And some of those guys are making good points! These communities probably don’t interact much with men that treat women with respect.

But I also wonder how much of that stuff happens and they don’t realize it’s harmful to women. Obviously sharing photos isn’t okay so that’s an easy one to call out.

It’s not a man’s fault that he doesn’t see it, necessarily. You don’t have the same experiences as women and it just doesn’t occur to you as often. Women are on alert 24/7.

Kinda like that thing about the number of guys who feel safe walking to their car at night vs the number of women. (I know some men are anxious in that scenario too, but nearly ALL women are.)

When I was an elementary school aged kid, I was afraid to play outside at my grandmas house because a man drove by yelling cat calls. This actually happened a couple times growing up.

At 14, a random man followed me home from school.

In my college there was a flyer in the restroom about how something like 1 in 6 women will experience sexual assault or rape. But really that’s just the number reported.

Every single woman I know has experienced sexual assault or rape of some kind. (I didn’t ask my coworkers to be fair).

That’s bonkers.

But I do appreciate those of you that are trying to be better! The comments here are reassuring and give hope for the future!

[–] Vinstaal0@feddit.nl 2 points 43 minutes ago

There are some cultures that are so female unfriendly it isn't funny, some of that has to do with religion and some of that doesn't. That's also one of the harsh realities of combating things like this because some people actually grew up and learn that women and worth less or some other kind of bullshit.

The other side of this coin is that in books and articles like this and heck even your comment only women get victimized or men get targeted. Yes statistically men are way more the cause of (sexual) abuse, misogyny or whatnot. Same with that women have it statistically worse partially because of some culture and partially because some people are just dicks and/or sick in their head. Some men (especially gay's, minorities and insecure people) get (sexually_ abused by women or other men, but that generally flies under the radar way more since they are often not believed.

That's why I always feel the need to mention it just incase it helps somebody down the line. Let's do better together!

[–] metaldream@sopuli.xyz 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

It's not just about how you're treated by these communities, it's how they work mechanically.

For example, on reddit if you engage with these people, you will not only be deleted and banned from their sub, you will also be auto-banned by a bunch of opposing subs. You get one chance to participate before you need to circumvent the platform by creating a new account.

It's simply not feasible to engage with them online in this way, and that's ignoring the time and emotional energy you need to spend to do it in the first place.

The issue needs to addressed at a societal level. As a society we value all the wrong things in men and few of the right things. A lot of these guys end up in these communities specifically because they feel they can't meet the ludicrous standards created for them, and place the blame solely on women instead of our wider culture.

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

I’m sorry, wasn’t this you victim blaming hours ago?

Ah yes, let's keep painting everyone dating some redpill asshole as a gigantic powerless victim who needs help from men to be freed. Give me a fucking break.

If you choose to fuck a known redpill male, you are an asshole and you deserve to be called out for it. I'm sick of this bullshit mentality that people's sexual choices are beyond reproach, and if anything goes wrong with them, then they are a victim and it's someone else's fault.

I'm feel for people who are actually victims of abuse, but not for people who made a shitty choice and now want to offload their role in the decision to "society".

Amazing how you can drum up all this sympathy for red pilled men - which I agree with on some level, because usually targeted, vulnerable men turn to these communities and are in many ways victims themselves - but you are so hostile to the people they mistreat and put so much onus on the victims they then target to do something about it. Not to mention your whole point was “they’re not all victims” while also arguing these men are “misunderstood” and need help at the “societal level” - not their partners though! That’s the woman’s fault for sticking around.

It’s unbelievable. You’re tying yourself up in knots to make this idea work.

[–] metaldream@sopuli.xyz -3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

Choosing to fuck a piece of shit, when you know they're a piece of shit, doesn't make you a victim, and I'm not entertaining this pity party claim that everyone fucking a MAGA asshole is in an abusive relationship. They aren't. But I feel for the ones who are.

Also you're putting words in my mouth. I never said these men were "misunderstood". I explained how they got there in the first place. Their beliefs and actions are clear as day. I do not sympathize with them more than abused women. But you don't want to engage my actual points, you want to set up a straw man and pull your self-righteous, self-pitying manipulative bullshit instead, which is exactly what I knew would happen.

If you dine with a Nazi, you are a Nazi. If you befriend a Nazi, you are a Nazi. If you fuck a Nazi, you are a Nazi.

[–] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

choosing to fuck a piece of shit

Jesus Christ what is wrong with you? Right out the gate your total disdain for women is on full display.

All this sympathy for abusers, none for victims. You are so backwards on this. You need to reevaluate your online communities man. You are getting red pilled HARD. You are in dangerous corners of the internet.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 12 hours ago

Davies was contacted by seven men over seven days who had all been scammed or catfished by seven different fake accounts that were using her images. She wrote an Instagram post to warn others and a BBC journalist got in touch, leading to her first documentary When Nudes Are Stolen. This was life-changing. “It was the first time that I had sat down with campaigners and experts who laid all those images out and said that what happened to me wasn’t OK,” she says. “No one had ever said that before. No one had ever said: ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ It was such a moment for me. It lifted the weight off my shoulders.”

Good Lord, that’s depressing. When people take advantage of you, it’s not your fault. What is this world doing to people?

[–] toastmeister@lemmy.ca 14 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

AI will fix this. Everyone will have nudes of everyone, and nobody will believe anything is real.

Even watching porn will be weird, when you can only assume what youre watching is a computer trying its best to not turn the womens bumhole into a picture of a dog.

[–] T156@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

I don't know, photoshop exists, and it hasn't stopped anything so far.

AI makes it easier, but may not do much to stop it.

Just look at Facebook, or the puff-jacket late pope. People do take AI-generated posts as the real thing so much of the time.

[–] DoomProphet@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 5 hours ago

Photoshop is still too much effort and requires some skill.

Once you can tell ChatGPT to "to make me some nudes of my classmate Alice" then that will change.

Just look at drones. RC planes existed for ages but you needed some skills to assemble and use them. Now you can buy them ready made and now we need all sorts of regulations that idiots aren't flying them over airports.

I, however, don't subscribe to the notion that it will normalize nudes. Those will be still used to bully those girls cause sadly people don't really need a reason to and that counts double for the young in school or collage.

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