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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
There used to be a coffee shop in my town. Every day they had a two-part secret phrase that would let you get drugs, but it sounded like an order. I think I activated it one time. "Can I please get a double-double with whip cream?" "Sure. How's your dog Mittens?" "I have no dog?!" Later, the coffee shop shut down because they got caught drug trafficking. They would double cup the coffee orders that had the drugs, and put the drugs in between the paper cups.
One of our customers operates our of two leased "office" trailers next to an old pole barn in the middle of a corn field.
Firm there, they "operate" 17 different companies, all demanding separate billing from us.
There's no WAY it's legit. They have more "official" registered companies than they have office employees.
My town has a population of about 2,000 people. There are five dedicated car washes within a 10-mile radius of my house, with two more under construction.
I honestly do not understand car washes and how they are supposed to turn a profit.
With drug money, duh.
Haven't you seen Breaking Bad?
The drug trade is a trillion dollar industry. Got to wash them somewhere. Where better than at a washer?
Used to be a Pizza place in my home town that had $1 large pizza on Wednesday no limit, they were the worst pizza in town, but they were packed every week. It went on for years then they got shut down turns out they were using the increase in foot traffic to cover people coming in to buy drugs.
My town had an extremely generically named "spa" that I passed by all the time and joked that it must be a drug ring and I found out that no actually they were a human trafficking ring and they got shut down by the police.
Back in the early 2000s, when malls were still frequented, there was a tea shop down a dark wing that was rarely visited. I was on a tea bender and visited often, it was always empty. The man who ran the shop was very friendly. He was so friendly that he never failed to overstuff the tea I bought, give me a free hot tea, my choice, even the very expensive tea, on the spot, and heavily discount the tea I did pay for. I recommended him to friends and family, who reported the same experience. Empty shop, free and discounted tea, very friendly.
After a while, he opened up a little. He was from Iran. He had to leave very quickly, but he missed his home country. When asked why he left, he would dodge the question. People I sent to visit also reported his question dodging. He hesitated to say much about Iran beyond its ancient (and very cool) history.
I do not think he was laundering money, but he wasn't there to make money. My guess is that he was whisked away by the US Government/CIA and given a new home in a quiet town where he could finally relax and just sell tea.
A few times, his older son was in the shop and was always visibly frustrated or bored, and he expressed a strong desire to "go home" back to Iran. The tea shop man tried to hide the seriousness in his tone when asking his son to be quiet. On occasion, his wife was there. She was friendly enough when speaking to you but always had a wary look on her face when you walked into the shop, looking right at your face for the first few seconds. I know that look personally. She was looking for danger in a face.
Even after the mall's soul died and the anchor stores left, the little friendly tea shop in the dark, empty wing stayed.
That family was not there to make money selling tea. Very, very good tea, might I add. Such a friendly man. I hope they found peace.
I hope they found peace.
Well yes, except obviously not now that you've told on them and assasins find them.
But up to this point, prolly, yeah.
That's lovely. I'm my experience, tea people are special people.
Just one? Knowing how expensive commercial rent is in this area, I’m pretty sure quite a few of the stores around here are fronts. No way this town supports 12 different nail salons. There’s a taco shop and a greek place in the same shopping center that both taste terrible and are always completely empty. How does a vacuum and sewing repair shop stay in business in this day and age?
When i see rent in some places i always have to do some math to figure out how much money they have to make to pay rent and one or two salaries. And i often don't get it. There is an old town that is kinda nice, but not that much foot traffic, and rent is insane because it's in the middle of an old town. Many stores and restaurants open and then close again, because they go under. But there is a computer store that is open as long as i can remember. And not like a cool hacker, i'll sell you an rtx 5090 shop, a shop that still has a y2k sticker on the window and they still sell you McAfee for your pc. Absolutely bizzare
Lots of people are having their stuff repaired instead of disposing and buying new. Those tailors custom size your clothes, do embroidery and patching, in addition to repairs. Shoe repair shops will restore leather, resole boots, and give them all a good shine. I've never had a vacuum repaired, but they're pricey enough that I'd definitely try that first. Check out your local repair shops. They probably do good work, because they get a lot more practice than you might think.
Saw this in Reddit, but I'm banned 😃. Anyway, Norfolk VA: the French bakery/deli on Granby St, in Riverview... "Would you like to sample a pastry?" Sure - Hey, that's pretty good. "That'll be $40. Would you like more?" Uhh, no.
There was a famous 24h florist in my city that everyone joked had to be a front for something. (Turned out it was drugs.)
Coincidentally, there's a shop in my neighbourhood that's also floral-themed and suspicious as heck: it says it sells flowers, but I only see potted plants (that don't appear to be for sale) and earrings on display stands (which do appear to maybe be for sale) when I peek in the window. I've lived here for many years, and I've never once seen it open, no matter what time of day or day of the week I walk past. With rent constantly rising and quite a lot of businesses in the street closing or moving away, it seems highly suspicious that this one could be turning a profit without ever being open.
i work at a bank, and there's a restaurant owner who brings in so much cash, despite his place having terrible food. then again, old people may just like it
I walk practically every day in front of a boba tea shop. Never seen someone go in it, or even clerks behind the counter. The shop is open until 10pm every day.
There's a mobile phone repair shop next to where we live. Everything in the window is faded from the sun. In 6 years of living here I have not seen it open or someone inside even once.
Theres a pizza store near me that always sells the weirdest pizzas, they have beans on pizza and just about everything else. Nobody ever goes in and ive never seen any deliveries leave.
At the end of my street growing up was a used car dealership with the same 4 cars scattered out front my entire time through elementary, middle and high school. They didn't even bother airing up the tires...
There's a gas station just outside of town where the price is always ridiculous. It's not uncommon for it to be over a dollar more per gallon (about 36¢ CAD/€0,23 more per litre) than the gas station just one block away. I don't know how it stays in business if they're not doing something sketchy.
We have a gas station that's almost a dollar less than competition and opposite corners of another gas station. It always boggles my mind how anyone would go to the more expensive one given you can see the prices of both at the same time.
Once lived in a small town with not one, but TWO Hollywood Videos. In like the late 20-teens. Just napkin math numbers, you'd need every household in the town to rent a video twice a week to support both of those just maintaining their leases... Over a decade into the age of streaming dominance.
There was no way they weren't doing something shady on the side.
Sometimes it's just a passion project by crazy people. My town has a shack on a busy non-walkable intersection without even parking spaces that sells only angel figurines. Let me be clear, this isn't general angel knickknacks, this isn't specific saints, it's angel figurines ONLY. You will find no bless this house signs. No Christmas tree toppers or ornaments. Not a single holiday decoration, religious or otherwise. You won't even find Jesus on the cross.
Angel. Figurines. Only. I always assumed it was a front for something until my mom helped with some taxes for them. No, it's just one crazy couple who are obsessed with the sanctity of the angel figurine. They feel very strongly about it and asking if they do garden angels now that spring's coming up and you'd love to patronage them is apparently offensive enough for them to take their taxes elsewhere lol.
It's one of the three mattress stores within 2 blocks of each other, but I'm not sure which one.
Hint: it's all of them.
In Switzerland it's either "Barber Shops" or "Döner Shops" their card reading terminals are for some reason always broken and you have to pay cash!
Years ago, I was in the mall in Dearborn, MI. It has most of the stuff you'd find in any other American shopping mall. There's the Gap, American Eagle, and Spencer's Gifts. It's mostly full of teenagers doing things that teenagers do in a mall.
Then there's a random antique shop full of Edwardian furniture. I didn't see anyone in there besides a sales guy or two, and it seemed completely out of place. Dearborn is also fairly close to the Canadian border. I swear it's gotta be a money laundering front.
