I think you overestimate the standards of swingers, who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are when they're hitting on people outside their circle.

Granted, you have to be attractive to get into Hollywood swinging parties, and especially rich swingers will look for less-rich young hot people to populate their swinging parties (usually with a personal interest in having a chance to smash that) but for the rest of ~~us~~ ~~them~~ ~~us~~ them, they want to to look slightly better than the Elephant Man, but do come clean, relatively well groomed (mind your nails, please) and if you can afford to dress nice, please do so. (No one denied access due to lack of funds.)

Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I've experienced has been attitude and personality. This is one place that my own vampiric obsession with consent has really served me well.

Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises. (Note, I've never been on a cruise, but have affluent parents who do, and can be snobbish themselves. From what I've read about cruise experiences, they sound dreadful in their opulence, hazards and wastefulness during a global pollution crisis) But then, cruises are expensive, and so the Venn diagram of obnoxious cruise passengers and affluent folk who are obnoxious off-cruise as well has a large area of intersection.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I've experienced has been attitude and personality.

Can confirm. Been part of local kink communities, and I've seen a few dudes about 2.5 steps up from the elephant man trimmed all to hell because dude had a great personality and knew how to use his implements. I don't consider myself to be the best looking, but I don't have any trouble for the same reason.

Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises.

In my experience, that's swinging parties, and to a lesser extent, the underlying culture in itself in a lot of places.

In a previous life, our local kink and swinging scenes shared a building with connected event spaces, and any time there were overlapping events, consent issues inevitably cropped up. We constantly had complaints about people grabbing others or walking into scenes (and we had to not laugh when they inevitably got hit and complained about their lack of situational awareness).

[–] rumschlumpel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago

who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are

They take care of their appearance? Talk about false advertising, I only consider sexual partners who look hot after they took a dive in liquid manure!

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I dated a woman in the "Life style". We went to a Xmas party that was "chocolate" (sex allowed) vs. "vanilla".

Let me tell you .. there were plenty of middle aged, normal or even lesser quality attractiveness. (IMO). I'm not Hollywood grade by any means.

It was literally just a big holiday bash with very average people with the added twist of random double BJ in the middle of the kitchen.

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 months ago

Heh, the community I was in often had munches at a private house so that scenes and demonstrations could happen ad hoc when participants couldn't resist. Munches are typically held at neutral locations like cafés or restaurants so that no one feels at a disadvantage, and more intimate encounters would have to be scheduled for later (or occur after the meet at someone's home).

So the possibility that people might get laid on site added a particular je ne sais quoi, and a particular risk, to the occasion.