this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2025
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Don't be too hard on yourself. It's also possible that the dose you originally needed has changed over time as you have built structures and rituals to manage better (disclaimer: not a doctor; anti-disclaimer: the doctors know bugger all about brain chemistry anyway). Its amazing that you can lower the dose and get the same benefit without those side effects!
It sucks that you were left to figure it out on your own, but you are doing amazing. And the next five years will be even better.
and yeah - phantom anxiety is a thing. The difference is being able to look at it and go "ha, that's anxiety, what's that doing there?"
That's really kind of you to say :) I'm glad the dose is lower now. Apart from the anxiety, my body is far less tense, my mind is somewhat clearer and I feel more relaxed which was the whole point of the medication to begin with!
The phantom anxiety thing is the weirdest feeling: my body is anticipating anxiety but nothing happens. It's like it's bracing for it in expectation but then it's just calm. A few weeks of re-training should hopefully bring me back to some kind of normality. I've never had anxiety issues as an adult before, so it was definitely strange. I just assumed it was the price to pay for having the kind of focus I haven't had since I was around 12 years old.
Here's hoping the next 5 will be great, and thanks again :)