this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 322 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (7 children)

#womeninmalefields is describing common situations and phrases that women experience and turning them upside down by switching genders.

The analogy to this one would be a man telling a surgeon to surgically tighten a woman's vagina after giving birth. This is a common and disgusting joke.

[–] klemptor@startrek.website 284 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Common and disgusting, but unfortunately not always a joke. You probably know this but for the benefit of others who may not be aware, the Husband Stitch is a real thing that used to be pretty commonly done regardless of what the woman wanted and often without her foreknowledge or consent. It's an extra stitch or two placed when sewing a woman back up after a vaginal tear or episiotomy during labor. The purpose is to make the woman "tighter" so her husband can still enjoy having sex with her even though she's given birth, which is staggeringly misogynistic and cruel. And it usually results in really painful sex for the woman because her vaginal opening is artificially small plus now it has inflexible scar tissue. It's a horrific thing to do to a woman, especially after giving birth.

[–] felykiosa@sh.itjust.works 82 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

still enjoy having sex with her

If you need that to enjoy your partner you don't deserve them. That disgusting

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 66 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you for providing additional information!

[–] chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world 47 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Another thing to note is that the episiotomy itself is no longer a recommended procedure for routine births. The incision lengthens recovery time and brings complications of its own.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 42 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Unfortunately, medical violence is a thing and many professionals, even when saying the episiotomy is a decision for the woman, put it in such a way that the message conveyed is that the episiotomy makes giving birth easier and quicker. What is witheld is that it makes it easier for them.

Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.

[–] Seleni@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Speaking as someone who would have been stillborn if not for a C-section, there are some surgical procedures that are kind of important.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

A C-section is a surgical act and extremely important as it has the potential to save lifes, both of mothers and children.

The matter at hand is not about deeming all medical acts performed during a delivery as useless but to acknowledge that many are performed routinely without need and even without the agreement, previous information or consent of the woman and mother to be.

One such is that oh-so-important act being routenily abused, with doctors pushing it to women with the argument that it is the safest way to plan the delivery. But planning a delivery is only a concern for the physician. If a pregnancy is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the delivery will be complicated, why point women to an unnecessary surgical act?

[–] uis@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

"If a ... is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the ... will be complicated, why point ... to an unnecessary surgical act?"

Minzdrav, is that you? /j

Americans, please, for love of everyone you love, nationalize your healthcare.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.

How can a woman give birth without the machine that goes PING?

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] uis@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Seventh. Or you mean the machine?

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 weeks ago

Which machine?

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I was under the impression it was forthe woman's benefit, that it is easier for a cut to heal than a tear. Is that not the case? Is the risk of tearing overblown?

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I think you actually have that backward. In general, a jagged tear heals quicker than an incision because there is more surface area in contact between the two pieces, so a larger number of cells can be working to repair the tissue. That said, I'm not a doctor and it's been 10 years since my wife and I looked into this before our first kid, so I may be misremembering.

[–] medgremlin@midwest.social 8 points 2 weeks ago

These days, an epesiotomy is done to direct the tear. If the tear is allowed to happen spontaneously, it can go through nerves, arteries, and pelvic floor muscles, greatly increasing the chances of permanent problems with things like prolapses or fistulas at worst, and more commonly, long term problems with incontinence.

[–] 5ibelius9insterberg 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Nope, you got it right: my wife had to c-sections and afaik they cut just enough tissue to make possible to tear it apart. It healed very well.

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Glad your wife healed well; my wife had three c-sections and the first one was done by a very old-school OB in an emergency situation, so she never stood a chance. That said, even old-school c-sections are better than my wife and son dying in childbirth, so I'm still grateful for modern medicine, but it would have been nice if it was a little more "modern"

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Were the second and third child almost guaranteed to be born by C-section? My GF first childbirth had 2 incidents that had risks for the second pregnancy. We were a bit scared for the second birth. But it when the opposite way. She almost gave birth in the car. There wasn't even an hour and a half between the first real contractions and the birth of our child.

I'm asking because I am curious to hear about different experiences than mine

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

We live in a small town in a state that has a law that to attempt a VBAC, the hospital must have an full surgery team on site. It being such a small hospital meant they almost never had a full staff at any given point, so the second two were scheduled C-sections.

However, like your experience, my wife went into natural labor the night before the second C-section was scheduled and almost certainly could have delivered naturally, but the hospital went ahead with the C-section anyway

[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Ah I understand better. We have a lot of friends that have kids and they all pretty much had birth in a hospital, and to me it seems like they were a schedule and they all had a scheduled delivery and if the birth wasn't done by then, the doctors provoked the labor.

We are lucky to have a midwife school program here that trains midwife as expert in pregnancy, birth and early weeks of the babies life, and our experience felt a lot more intimate. Like, they are legit medical expert in their field. The only restriction is that they cannot work with women with at risk pregnancy (so twins, mother ailments, etc).

We had both pregnancy with the same midwife and we were lucky that both times, she was on call when my girlfriend went into labor. We were both times in the same delivery room at the birthhouse. It was radically different than what our friends experienced.

Thanks for sharing

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It’s not about the surface area, a tear heals without creating a straight line of inflexible scar tissue in flexible tissue. You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you don’t have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you don’t have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet

In general, it’s the opposite though - a sharp cut heals much faster than a rip, there’s far less damage to repair

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks for the explanation!

You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you don’t have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you don’t have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet

Isn't this a function of the surface area, though?

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 3 points 2 weeks ago

I mean…sort of? I can’t say that’s wrong, but I also don’t think it’s the full picture

Like imagine a cut rope. Gluing the ends together joins it with a weak point, but if you unravel the ends and weave them back together, you can create a very strong connection, even without glue

Yes, the surface area in the latter is far greater, but in addition to the surface area you have the structure - the weave itself grants strength, because when you pull the rope the fibers compress against each other, making it stronger than just surface area contact

I think it’s kinda like that, surface area certainly plays a big part, but I think it’s more than that. It lets the muscles reweave themselves - as opposed to the skin and the uterus lining, which are cut in straight lines to minimize damaged surface area - they’re more like cloth than rope, you stitch them up in neat lines

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 44 points 2 weeks ago

Yep, a useful comment. I had no idea about such a thing.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 36 points 2 weeks ago

... Jesus fucking Christ...

[–] StopTouchingYourPhone@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

To add to your "for the benefit of others" explanation, this is also not a historical relic. It's still happening.

I work with refugees and a lot of women escaping fundie warzones are living with variations of this nightmare. So much mutilation, as little girls, preteens, post-giving-birth... Infections are common, tearing is common, and sex is torture. I've been doing this job long enough that I recognize the walk.

[–] uis@lemm.ee 3 points 2 weeks ago

Unholy fuckery! This makes me glad to live in country, where to get an operation you need to visit 9001 doctors and get 100500 approvals.

[–] Lauchmelder 88 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Jesus Christ, what kind of sick person comes up with stuff like that?

[–] valkyre09@lemmy.world 113 points 2 weeks ago

After the mother gives birth to a healthy baby boy, the father leans to the doctor and whispers “how long until we can have sex?”. The doctor replies, “I clock off at 3.”

[–] Luminocta@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I worked for a man that thought it would be a funny thing to say soon after the delivery.

Look, I'm a guy. I laughed, until his (now ex) said that he actually said it.

I mean come on. It's funny as a joke, you don't ACTUALLY say that to a delivery nurse, my god.

[–] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, people who act like it could never be funny are insufferable and people who actually do it are psychos.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] lud@lemm.ee 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Ok but in this case it's men, specifically. That is what the hashtag is about.

[–] lud@lemm.ee 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That's very generalising though.

Personally, I try to avoid that whenever possible.

[–] Kalysta@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago

When this was invented, the majority of doctors were men.

It’s not generalizing if it’s true.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 3 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Good on you.

It's not generalising tho, these women describe situations they have experienced.

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 42 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Not just a joke. It’s a thing that used to be more common but is still sometimes done.

[–] FindME@lemmy.myserv.one 7 points 2 weeks ago

I had a doctor straight-faced tell an entire class of college students about it, and how it was a good thing. This was within the last 15 years. I would bet it is still far more common we'd want to imagine.

[–] SeekPie@lemm.ee 39 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks for explaining it, wouldn't have understood it otherwise.

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago

Thanks for explaining it

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