this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
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"I can't, because of my hand. My hand hurts so much. Life sucks because of this hand."
"You should go to a doctor to show your hand"
"No! It won't help anything! And it costs money. And I don't know how to or want to anyway."
I've seen that too, where the person doesn't want to actually even try to help themselves.
Which of course is a symptom.
“My leg is broken” “Then walk to the hospital, duh” “I can’t, my leg is broken” “Why are you choosing to live in pain?!”
Then you carry them to the hospital and they don't want to get treatment but they sure as hell want you to keep carrying them around. Been in that situation and it really sucks.
"Well you could call a taxi"
"I don't know how to besides it costs money and time..."
"Well fine, I could drive you"
"No I got other stuff to do."
"Just give me a time and I'll do it"
"I don't know when ugh..."
At that point people will just stop trying since it's always the same wall.
But they saw it was a serious matter and tried. The people in the comic haven't even reached that point yet.
It could've happened before this
Their comments don't make it seem so. Nobody says they've tried to help him, only that he should get over it.
In the real life discussions I never have or heard about the prior times as trying to give advice either
A therapists saying about behaviors like this is "then the suffering isn't big enough yet."
Notice how the "friends" are completely dismissive of the hand? If they actually thought it was cause for concern, that would be an improvement.
We don't know how long this has been going on. If it's been years and years of this, I get it.
If encouraging him to see a doctor were something they were doing, the comic would have shown that.
They do seem to have been through this before.
And it's heavily implied it was brushed off before as well. No "I've tried to help you," but rather "It's not a big deal, get over it."
Well obviously the comic has that as the point, even though very similar situations have people who have tried to help but have been brushed off
Sure, but that's not this situation. First they have to actually care to get to that point.
And when the doctor decides you're an attention seeking malingerer and refuses to help, what then?
Don't stop until you get help.
I'm lucky to have a colleague who identified I was depressed, and had gone through a similar scenario.
Don't stop until you feel you've been heard, until you've been listened to, until you agree with the doctor.
Don't fucking stop
If it is the first doctor to say that, I'd seek another opinion. If it's the second or third, well maybe...
Let me guess, you're a man? A most likely white, cis and straight, man.
How am I doing?
Kinda creepy to start asking and assuming like that...
Ask some of the women in your life about what it's like trying to access healthcare. Ask how often they're listened to by doctors and how much respect is given when they say something is wrong.
You think it's hard to access healthcare where I live? Why..?
You're making awfully lot of assumptions about other people ngl. Assuming their country is less weird but gender, sexuality, all that gets pretty weird.
“Brave Men” and “Emotional Women”: A Theory-Guided Literature Review on Gender Bias in Health Care and Gendered Norms towards Patients with Chronic Pain
Analysis: Women’s pain is routinely underestimated, and gender stereotypes are to blame
There are hundreds more papers like this from many different countries.
There are also hundreds of reddit threads about this, with thousands upon thousand of replies from women all over the world, who also attest to it.
And queer men usually have some understanding of intersectional feminism these days, and have likely experienced some form of medical discrimination due to homophobia.
Not to mention folk of colour in predominantly white countries, who also regularly face medical discrimination.
So not believing that women (and female presenting folk) have a harder time accessing the healthcare they need, is yes, a very straight, white, male privileged point of view.
I do admit though that I am just guessing you are white and living in either the US, Canada, Australia, NZ, UK or Western Europe, mostly based on the fediverse demographic.
It's not great to assume stuff just because someone holds a different view. It'd be like me assuming you are a woman for being emotional and illogical. Not great and can be viewed as insulting, even when you feel it's an informed and fair guess.
It's just better to keep to the facts known and not argue with your assumptions.
Can you point out which bits of what I wrote were emotional and illogical?
Your whole argument relies on that a medical professionals, plurar, would be more likely to be incorrect about a medical situation than a random hypothetical person based on how the person feels.
If based on that I guessed you would be a woman of course most of the time I'd be right. But voicing such assumptions and going off on that seems like it'd be rude and detrimental to the conversation.
Bruh, I literally gave you peer reviewed scientific studies as sources. Lmao.
Tell me again about how this hurt your feelings and what a mean lady I am for doing it.
The studies don't actually show what you hoping that they show, that is that your run-of-the-mill person was better at knowing what issues they have. If doctor after doctor keeps telling you your issue isn't what you think it is, you might want to consider their words. That's all.
I've just been taught that assuming someone's gender, skin colour and stuff like that is pretty yikes. I don't mind rude though.
So what I'm seeing here is that you really don't read so good, huh? That's ok, literacy isn't everybody's strong suit. Maybe go ask your mum or sister to explain what I wrote to you, they might have an easier time getting through on your level.
Not sure if congratulating women or insulting them. Yikes either way for gender based insults. Do better.
Lmao, way to go proving you can't read.
Trying to get someone to reframe their perspective in such a aggressive manner helps no one. Everyone has gaps in their experiences so let's assume the best before lashing out
Can you show me where I'm bring aggressive and lashing out please?