this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2024
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Been trying to meditate unsuccessfully for years now. At this point the frustration of always failing isn't even worth trying anymore but I still do in the vain hopes that "one day it will finally click". I mean, that's easier to accept than the more probable possibility that I'm just a fundamentally broken human who can't even get basic functioning right.
Maybe sitting meditation just isn't for you. Have you tried walking meditation or some other movement based technique?
I have some tips that could help, if you're interested. I've been meditating pretty much my whole life since I learned it this way. Took a little effort at first but everything fell into place real quickly, and since then it's just been an internal habit to do throughout my day.
Step 1: Find a comfortable place to sit or recline, preferably facing a blank wall. You don't need to be in any fancy position or focus on anything in your field of view. Find a position where your entire body is able to comfortably and completely relax, no stabilizing needed.
Step 2: While gazing at the wall comfortably, become mindful of your breath. Don't worry about like taking super deep regular breaths or anything like that, just breathe normally - but have your focus on that breathing, internally.
Step 3: Other thoughts will compete for your attention. Our brains are super busy, that's why we're here. Don't force them away - that's a muscle you haven't really got yet, it would be very difficult. Just acknowledge each thought, decide not to continue with it at that moment, and allow it to drift away by returning your attention to your breath. This can take a while, or a couple tries to get used to doing. Don't be upset at yourself if it's hard at first.
Step 4: Once you're able to acknowledge and release intrusive thoughts, start counting your breath. Try not to do so with "audible" thoughts, but just by being aware that "this is my first breath, this is the second," etc. When other thoughts derail you and internal speech resumes, repeat Step 3 and restart the count.
If you can do that and make it to ten, you will be meditating.
I’ve come up with a similar technique when I’m trying to sleep and experience insomnia. You might not fall unconscious but you can keep your body and breathing still. This results in rising feeling much better than tossing and turning while worrying about it.
Absolutely! I also do it when feeding a baby, they match your breathing instinctively and it'll settle them down really well.
Try to make sure you're not fighting with it. As thoughts enter your head, simply let them, then let them drift away as you very mildly try to reassert your attention on whatever focus you've chosen. I've heard it described as "observing your own thoughts". Watch them come in, watch them go.
Optimally observing the breath and the body first. Trying to observe thoughts without that solid foundation, tends to get us caught up in our thoughts.
And yeah, we do have to be aware when our thinking hijacks are attention. But the focus of attention should first of all be on the breath and the breathing before it shifts to any sort of deeper observation of thoughts and feelings.
And that's generally good advice whether you're on the cushion or not. Thoughts and feelings can easily carry us away. Our body and our breathing is always in the present.
Some people get a lot out of sitting very still and clearing their minds completely. Some people get more clarity in motion, while running, rowing, cycling, or walking. There is another way on meditation that involves almost the opposite of a clear mind, where you focus on experiencing and really noticing absolutely everything around you; every breath, birdsong, machine noise, footstep, squirrel chittering, and insect buzzing. Sometimes while focusing on a puzzle or game like Tetris, Sodoku, or a Rubik's cube, it feels meditative to me. I don't know if that's real meditation. But my point is that everyone's built differently, find what works for you and stop worrying about failing. If you're trying, you're not failing.
If sitting meditation doesn't work for you, there's walking meditation, Qigong, body scans.
Really it's just about finding your breath and your body and settling into the present and sitting meditation is just a tool to teach us how to do that.
The meme is shit by the way.
The idea isn't to build up tension all day and then let it go when you finally get to the cushion. The idea is to learn to let go on the cushion so all day you can let shit go.
That's why we call meditation practice. It's so we can implement it in the moment when we need it.