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And if you're really dedicated to being a person who saves lives and its a big part of your personal identity, you'd also be risking the lives of the future people you'd be able to help and your identity as a person who saves lives. You can't help this one person in this specific life threatening situation but there's other peripartum hemorrhages you could help and many more you could try to keep out of that condition to begin with. But to do that you have to let this one person die despite knowing how to help them too. Absolute shit sandwich.
I'm working on developing a better work life balance but for the longest time working as a nurse has been the thing I stuck around on ye olde mortal coil for. It's what was worth sticking around to try and get through all that therapy for. I won't try to say it's healthy but if I lost my license I don't really have a whole lot left to stick around for.
I hope you stick around. We need nurses so badly and we have so few.