The Onion

4544 readers

1197 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

1016

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (theonion.com)

submitted 2 months ago by Midnight@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

131 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] whocares314@lemmy.world -5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Prosecute the parents. Pass restrictions on magazine capacity.

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I genuinely think that improving access to mental health resources would do more good. Find out what is causing a small subset of kids to want to shoot people and usually themselves. Guns are a symptom not the core issue imo

Were they bullied? Did the faculty care? What did the family situation look like? Were requests for help ignored?

I think it would help with the overall trend of more depressed/suicidal kids too.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

And until we're done completely overhauling our mental health system, maybe we just give the children... bullet proof vests?

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works -2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Honestly it's not off the table and it would be easier than completely overhauling our firearm sale/posession systems. Have a box of them in a classoom in case of emergency, just like having a fire extinguisher or first aid kit.

Soft armor doesn't stop rifle rounds. Plate carriers are heavy and suck to move around in. Sizing is another issue since most are made for men not kids. But maybe it would be a good investment since they can be stored and reused for quite a while

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

You realize you sound insane, right? Plate carriers? For kids? Come on, they all already have backpacks. We just issue each kid with a ballistic plate and tuck them in there. Maybe some anti-spalling pads too. Sure it might be a little heavier, but think of the exercise they'd get! We can call it "No Child Shot From Behind"!

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

No no no we just fill the plates with tannerite and ball bearings so as soon as a shooter hits a backpack the shooter is taken out AND ends the suffering of the victims!

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I'm just imagining the chain reaction if a bunch of kids are together.