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I struggle with this too. I think it's because it feels so damned nonproductive to not try and figure out how to make things better. Matter of fact, it feels like how I approach people dumping personal problems at work...indifference I suppose. And that's the last thing I want to show someone I care about. So it weighs me down.
I've taken to asking questions from different angles during the venting, and this seems to be my best strategy. Results are mixed.
I've accepted that I can't be one of these "there, there" people because I don't enjoy feeling useless. I care, what's being said matters to me, but I can't be myself in the situation. And that feels bad.