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I mean... if all you ever did was buy donuts at a supermarket, you kind of would expect that.
I don't buy a lot of donuts (personally not a big fan and they make for weird interactions at work) but when I do? My order is usually "Uh. Three or four boston creme, three or four jelly, and then whatever you have a lot of for the rest". And I have definitely done the Dunkin run where it is "a box o joe and then two dozen of whatever donuts. Also ."
So I won't fault couch fucker for having a hard time picking out donuts or basically just saying "I don't care, just give me two dozen donuts. Feel free to pick the stale ones". But it is more just the overall shitshow of it for not having someone run up ahead to make sure the store and staff were cool with it.
Story time! Back in... damn I guess it would have been 08? Obama and Biden were doing the "man of the people" bullshit. Incredibly blue region with strong ties to Biden so it was basically a freebie to record a few press bits. Was getting lunch and chatting with a buddy about all the cars on the street and the like when some 20-something year old girl in a suit comes in. She leans in and asks the person at the counter something and then comes around to the various tables to make small talk and ask leading but kind of inflammatory questions. She asked us what our views on abortion were (and, while I won't repeat what my buddy said because it was definitely sexist, it was quite possibly the greatest failed pick-up line of all time). She then gets up and states something like "In five minutes, Obama and Biden will be walking through that door. We apologize for the inconvenience. As we get closer, anyone who does not want to be on camera will be directed to move over towards that wall. It will only be for ten minutes and we will pay for everyone's meal, regardless of if you are on camera or not. Thank you".
And, let me tell you? Buying lunch for a bunch of students goes a long way toward making for a warm reception. And while it was obvious they had been prepped on the menu, it was also obvious that this was the kind of food both future presidents ate semi-regularly. And it was obvious they had been prepped on which tables were likely avid democrats, which were republicans, and which were dumbass kids who were hitting on the point person for the casual "So, what can we do to earn your vote?" style bits.
But... that is kind of the thing. It is not a complicated bit of theatre. I am sure the approach has changed a bit (now that everyone has camera phones and tiktok) but it still holds true. Have someone run ahead to make sure you aren't entering a hostile situation that will just make everyone look bad.
Everything blurs together and I am too lazy to google, but now I am wondering if that press event was specifically because everyone (of the republicans) were losing their god damned mind over the existence of a black man. Err, I mean Obama liking dijon mustard or something. So have him and his old white guy buddy eat some normal people food (because dijon mustard is insanely fancy, obviously).
I’m curious about these weird workplace donut interactions you’ve had.
Like I said, I am not a big fan of donuts. A lot of people aren't. But there is the expectation that everyone should bow down to the person who brought them to the breakroom and join the mad rush when the email goes out and so forth. Not to mention that some people DO like donuts (more power to them) and might be polite enough to ask if anyone minds if they take a second one which has led to a few slack chats of everyone feeling the need to list that they had 1 and so forth. Which invariably reveals who didn't have any and leads to "oh, are you on a diet"? level conversations that can make others feel self conscious about their weight.
Personally? I am a big fan of bringing a box to an early morning meeting or whatever. Absolutely hate bringing them to a breakroom or, for the truly deranged, walking them around an office.
Things have gotten a lot better in the past decade or so of "I don't eat gluten" becoming ridiculously common. But I find it still puts people into unnecessarily awkward situations where one person might think it is a nothingburger of an interaction and someone else might take it as "Are you saying I am fat and need to go on a diet?"
I hate your workplace.
Just err towards too many donuts the first time, and then adjust downward as needed. It's okay to throw out a few.
And then trust everyone else to be human. If one dude is taking five, someone will eventually give him a "dude, seriously?" and that should be enough. And if it's not, try to deal with it person to person instead of sending a passive aggressive email about it to two dozen people.