this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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Anything that makes you apply your hand to your face.
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I am a big nerd when it comes to relationship theory. I heavily advocate for purposeful relationships in which each party makes it well-known what their wants, needs, dealbreakers, boundaries, STI status, etc. are well before clothes come off.
I regularly hear people reply, "Lol no, you start talking like that and she's gonna nope out because she's not gonna find that sexy at all." To which I reply, "Then maybe you're dating the wrong people." The people in my circles...men, women, and enbies alike...highly value consent, so when a potential partner starts this discussion, it is very, very sexy. It shows that they value our safety, sexual health, informed consent and bodily autonomy, and people like that are the only people for whom I will ever take my clothes off.
Yup, I'm a professional dominatrix and having these open conversations is a must. If done correctly, it invites deeper intimacy and helps the relationship grow - it doesn't drive people away. The only reason honesty would drive someone away, is exactly the reason you should be honest - so they can have informed consent about what's taking place and say no if they want to. If someone isn't allowed to say "no" in the first place, then whether they say yes is irrelevant. Can't consent if you can't dissent.
Not into much BDSM myself but I am polyam and date a lot of kinksters, so much love and respect to you. 😊