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Despite what others are saying, I think you are right in a lot of ways.
There definitely is a set point where your body feels comfortable. You can get above and below a few kilos, and your body will return to that set point if you return to what you eat normally. That's why it's hard, to move the set point, you have to get around 5 under and keep at it. So when you are 5 under and your weight loss suddenly stops, that's when you really started to push the kilos down, that's why it suddenly gets harder. And you should go that 5 kilos past your set point because you will gain it back when you stop eating less.
With me, with a resting consumption of around 1800 kcal, how it went is that I did 6 months of trying to keep it below 1500 kcal, targeting 1400 if I can - but no less, and more or less kept it. My results have been going from 124 kg to 110 then rebounding to 114, then another round of doing the same got me from 114 to 100 then rebound to 104. After the ~4 kg rebound, it stabilized. Just now, a month after finishing, I just ate nothing but shitty McDonalds for 3 days (have been on the road a lot) and my weight went from 104.2 to 103.9.
I guess what I'm saying is that your only real way of affecting the system is cals in vs cals out, but as you say, the inside of the system is not simple. Also, don't crash diet, and even if you feel like eating less on one day for some reason, keep your diet from the other side as well. Every time I ate less than 1400, the next day I fucked it up and went to 1800-ish, every single time. It makes it much harder.
Thanks! I think you are describing what a lot of people experience. Weight loss is highly complex and by oversimplifying it, lots of people do not get the help they need and are made to feel bad about themselves.
There is actually quite some scientific work supporting what I am saying. For example, this is an article in Journal of Obesity. It discusses the role of willpower and provides an overview of some of the research on other factors that affect whether people lose weight, such as metabolic compensation.
This is another interesting paper in the Irish Journal of Medical Science on patient's view on obesity as a disease. I think the conclusion of this study aligns well with some of my claims:
[This] (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0953620521000029) paper on weight regain also claims that it is not just about compliance with a diet, but that, amongst others, metabolic adaptation and changed appetite play an important role as well.
I am personally quite interested in work on obesity due to eating disorders. The reason for this is that I suffered from an eating disorder causing obesity for most of my life (fortunately, I do not have the disorder anymore). The constant pressure to just eat less and getting blamed if you fail, severely increased my eating disorder and I saw the same thing happen to others with similar issues. I know that this is anecdotal and not everyone that is obese has an eating disorder and not everyone with an eating disorder is the same. However, there is some limited evidence that weight neutral treatment of binge eating disorder has better outcomes. This and treatment for my CPTSD is exactly what worked for me.