“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
I think both the "would you rather run into a man or a bear in the woods?" question for women and the "would you rather be emotionally vulnerable with a woman or a tree?" question for men scream loud and clear why there isn't much meeting in the middle on this issue.
Women are still living in a world that by and large treats women as property and rape as something that women should just get used to.
A woman in the US couldn't have her own bank account until 1974.
Until 1993, marital rape wasn't recognized at the Federal level, and only some states had laws against it.
So, up until just thirty-one years ago, raping your wife was cool and legal.
Women are watching politicians try to control their bodily autonomy by making abortion illegal, and the same people pushing that also happen to be pushing for an end to "no fault divorce" because they don't like women having the choice of divorcing them.
Women have so many good reasons to have had it up to here with men...
Now, women aren't responsible for men's emotional well-being and men really should do more to support each other when it comes to being open and emotionally vulnerable, but the downside is that it means men, overall, generally feel like they can't actually be open with women without it hurting their chances, romantically.
Much like it isn't every individual black person's job to educate every idiot white person they come in contact with, it's not every woman's job to educate every idiot man they come in contact with.
However, this impacts men who are just trying to find a footing and may grow into better people, given the opportunity. However, the attitude of that you're not responsible for explaining leads to nobody explaining except... right-wing asshats who are pushing division and hate. So, because there aren't left-wing men speaking to how to handle these issues and providing healthy in-gender support for other men, we're leaving it all up to women to do all the educating, and I mean, I get it, they don't want to, they're kind of over it, and that's probably why they're pretty rude about it, to boot. And since they're saying no and bowing out, that means young men are left to listen to voices like Andrew Tate.
I think both sides of this coin are doing each other a disservice. Women not having enough patience for men who could grow to be good men, and men not having enough self-reflection to realize that hanging your entire emotional stability on whether or not you are in a relationship is unhealthy, period.
I totally forgot about that one. And you're totally right! Seriously everything you've said here is an interesting take on the matter.
Would you say that perhaps an emphasis on social education (like in middle school or something) would be good first step to this? And not just to talk about what you shouldn't do but also when you in fact CAN try and make a move.
Back in the day they had things like "etiquette schools" (I guess they still do) with a focus on politeness and manners.
Frankly, there can and should be a modern version of etiquette but focused on interpersonal relationships taught in school. The modern version would focus on things like consent, healthy emotional support structures, and healthy communication strategies.
School itself is supposed to be a place to "live and learn" as it were when forming relationships, but it basically has very little adult stewardship of those concepts.
School today is nightmare with everybody filming everybody. If you are a young person doing young person mistakes, it will probably filmed and put on the internet.
I can only speak from my experience because it is the only one I've lived, but being a young man with hormonal changes and no male role model in my life, my life would have been way harder today since I made many gaffes that a young man usually makes.
The only difference is that it wasn't filmed and I had a chance to become better, instead of ridiculed by the whole world.
That can't be a thing anymore, they would WOKE the shit out of it.