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"Avoiding a Tour in Iraq" Walz: Serves 20 years, participates in Operation Enduring Freedom, awarded the Army Commendation Medal, retires honourably, re-enlists for another 4 years after 9/11 and finalizes retirement due to running for office fully achieving a rank of Master Sergeant.
"lucky to escape any real fighting" Vance: Corporal but really a glorified publicist (coined 'Sergeant Scribbles' in the article lol), earns the datta-boy Marine Corps Good Conduct Medal. After discovering there ain't no couches in the marines he leaves the service after only a single 4 year tour.
Clearly a viable and totally-not-wierd attack vector for Vance 🙄
Sergeant Scribbles. LOL
Although it helps with alliteration, Vance never made sergeant and left as a corporal (E-4).
Corporal Scribbles also works
Corporal Crayons?
Corporal Couch reporting for booty.
That's an extremely generous definition of booty if it includes furniture 😂
Reporting for doilies?
Edit: ribbed for his pleasure and absorbent for easy cleanup!
Crayons is a brotherly insult. Marines own it and make jokes with it because they know their sibling services use it the same way their brother would, with a smile and expecting the same back at them.
Corporal Camera would work though.