Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

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Anon goes out with friends (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I heard someone jumped off of that bridge that night due to being so bummed about not getting their pizza.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I heard it was the entire family.

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

The way I heard it was different. I heard the whole family was part of a death cult had planned to kill themselves by ordering an anthrax pizza at a shady pizzaria. Anon shared that pizza with the delivery guy, but as the later started experiencing strange symptoms, anon was unscathed. He called an ambulance in time for them to save him, and while running tests on Anon, they found a so far unknown antibody that made him immune to anthrax and some other pathogens and that could be used to save others. This night, Anon probably saved thousands, both by helping uncover a death cult conspiracy and helping medicine improve. The family that had ordered the suicide pizza went to therapy and came out alright. A raccoon safely gave birth that night. She would've been ran over by the pizza guy had he not seen Anon and stopped. One of the little raccoons would later forage a garbage container, throwing out a pipebomb that was on it's way. This allowed the bomb to be found and disarmed in time, saving dozens of lives, including Anon's.