Stamets

Don't worry, this is the last one I'm doing for a fuckin while and this one was done by request. Wanted to redo the old moopsy ad I had anyway so two birds. Ad Read here!

Attention, all Lower Deckers and space enthusiasts! Tired of your morning cereal being as bland as a Vulcan's poker face? Introducing Moops! All Terrors, the cereal that's as mischievous as a pack of Moopsy and as bone-crunchingly good as a classic Star Trek adventure! Forget those boring Starfleet-approved breakfasts. Moops! All Terrors is brought to you by independent entrepreneurs who believe your mornings should be filled with fun, flavor, and just a hint of interstellar chaos. Each spoonful is packed with crispy flakes shaped like little Moopsies, those adorable yet deceptively dangerous furballs that keep our lower decks crew on their toes!

And for those who love a little shape-shifting fun in their breakfast, Moops! All Terrors includes special Odo-shaped marshmallows. Just like the shape-shifter himself, these marshmallows can transform your cereal experience from ordinary to extraordinary. Mix them in, and watch your bowl come to life with gooey goodness that’s out of this world!

But remember, Moops! All Terrors is not made by Starfleet, nor is it endorsed by any Federation authorities. It’s the perfect rebellious choice for those who march to the beat of their own phaser. So, whether you’re a deckhand dreaming of adventure or a cadet aiming to climb the ranks, Moops! All Terrors is here to fuel your journey with a little bit of mayhem and a whole lot of flavor.

And for those who think Moops! All Terrors is just another gimmick, think again! This cereal packs the punch of a Tribble invasion and the charm of a Q-who encounter. It’s the perfect way to start your day with a smile, a crunch, and maybe even a few laughs at the expense of your favorite officious officers.

But wait, there’s more! Order now, and you’ll receive a special anniversary edition Moopsy-shaped spoon, perfect for scooping up every last morsel of Moops! All Terrors. Just don’t let Odo see it, or you might end up with a shape-shifted surprise!

So why settle for a mundane morning when you can embrace the terrorously tasty chaos of Moops! All Terrors? Available now at your favorite independent replicators and specialty stores across the galaxy. Grab a box today and let your breakfast adventures begin!

Warning: Moops! All Terrors may cause unexpected and potentially horrifying side effects. Consumers have reported instances of sudden, uncontrollable bone growth, including, but not limited to, extra ribs, additional femurs, and, in rare cases, fully formed secondary skeletons. If you experience spontaneous skeletal duplication, please contact your local ship’s medical officer immediately. Failure to do so could result in becoming your own twin.

Be advised: prolonged consumption may trigger an overwhelming urge to embrace the dark side of your personality, resulting in the potential to become an evil mirror-universe version of yourself. Side effects include growing a goatee, dramatic monologuing, and plotting the downfall of your superior officers. If you find yourself conspiring to take over the ship, station, or planet, stop eating Moops! All Terrors immediately. Additionally, somr have reported strange encounters with sentient cereal flakes. Once consumed, these flakes may develop consciousness and attempt to communicate via your digestive system, usually by forming unsettling messages in your stomach lining. Some unlucky individuals have even had Moopsy-flake dreams, wherein the cereal demands tribute in the form of your personal replicator rations.

In extreme cases, Moops! All Terrors has been known to cause complete skeletal liquefaction, leaving consumers as puddles of sentient goo, much like our favorite Changeling, Odo. This effect is irreversible, and you may find yourself destined to slosh through the corridors of your ship in an unrecognizable gelatinous form for the rest of your days. Though mobility as a puddle is efficient, it’s generally frowned upon during staff meetings. As a puddle, you'll have to adapt to a life of unconventional communication methods, forming simple shapes to convey basic emotions or flowing into the nearest replicator to order meals you no longer have the anatomy to enjoy. You may find that most chairs no longer accommodate your... unique form, so prepare for a life spent leaking across the deck, subtly pooling around the ankles of your crewmates in a desperate attempt to be included in conversations.

In the event that you remain a sentient puddle for an extended period, crew members will likely assign you a new designation, probably something along the lines of 'The Ooze', and you'll be given a small containment field in lieu of quarters. Expect to spend most of your time navigating through drains, ventilation systems, or even being mistaken for the ship's waste runoff. Attending holodeck programs will require specially designed environments to accommodate your liquid state, which may be limited to tropical lagoons, swamps, and occasionally a vast puddle simulation called 'The Floor.' However, rest assured, you will maintain all your original memories and personality, just... a lot squishier.

Moops! All Terrors, because your mornings deserve a little bit of Lower Decks-level fun and a whole lot of bone-crunching flavor!

I have too much fucking time on my hands. Read here.

Starfleet mornings are tough, but they don’t have to be. Whether you’re perfecting your trombone solo, leading an away mission, or just wrestling with how to get Deanna Troi’s attention without crashing the ship, you need something that gives you the confidence to tackle it all. Enter: Frosted Frakes! The official breakfast of Commander William T. Riker! The man, the legend, and yes, the beard.

These flakes aren’t just frosted, they’re Frakes’d! Packed with enough flavor to take on the toughest Borg and the crunch that’ll keep you going through a 12-hour debrief with Admiral Nechayev. One bite and you’ll be ready to make First Contact, take a shuttlecraft joyride, or smooth-talk your way out of a run-in with the Ferengi. Each box gives you the strength of an epic trombone solo, the stamina for a full round of poker on the holodeck, and the silky suaveness of a man who can make standing with one leg on a chair look like a power pose.

Picard: "Will Riker starts his day with a bold move... and a bold bowl of Frosted Frakes! Because in space, as in breakfast, you have to take command."

And don’t worry, there’s no transporter duplication here! Each box of Frosted Frakes contains only the finest frakes, guaranteed to leave you feeling like the one and only Riker. Sorry, Thomas. Frosted Frakes gives you the same energy Riker had when he smirked his way through interspecies diplomacy and still made time to save the day. Whether you’re solving a galactic mystery, negotiating with Klingons, or just getting through another awkward encounter with Lwaxana Troi, Frosted Frakes has got your back.

Warning: Consuming Frosted Frakes may cause an overabundance of swagger, sudden bursts of charisma, an immediate urge to lead away teams and the uncontrollable desire to seduce anything within a 10-foot radius, including but not limited to holograms, ambassadors, and members of the crew. If you find yourself performing the ‘Riker Maneuver’, where you step over the back of a chair without realizing it, please consult Dr. Pulaski. Other side effects may include spontaneous jazz solos, an irresistible urge to challenge Klingons to arm-wrestling, and an inability to say the phrase "It never was, it was his assistant". Beard growth in under three hours has been reported. For optimal results, consume while smirking.

So if you’re ready to start your day like Starfleet’s most charming first officer, grab a bowl of Frosted Frakes! They’re frosted, they’re Frakes, and they’re, let’s be honest, always number one!

Picard: “Will Riker doesn’t half-ass anything, and neither should your breakfast. Make it Frosted Frakes, the only cereal guaranteed to put you in command of the situation. Beard optional, although not recommended.”

Ad Read here! I got really bored after work. Figured I'd make something like the Oops All Moopsy's and the Tribbles n Bits commercials I made a while back.

Space. The final frontier. But let’s face it – it’s also the final debate chamber. From the Council chambers of the Federation to the back rooms of Romulus, if you thought your adventures in the stars were all about discovering strange new worlds, think again. They’ve always been about one thing…

[Dramatic pause]

Politics!

That’s right, introducing Oops! All Politics! – the breakfast cereal that finally tells it like it is. You weren’t just boldly going where no one’s gone before – you were negotiating trade agreements, dealing with interstellar immigration, and managing ethical dilemmas every step of the way. And now, that same tangled mess of diplomacy is available in a balanced, part-of-a-nutritious-breakfast form.

Take a bite and dive into the age-old complexities of Romulan refugee crises – remember that whole thing with the Romulan supernova? Now you can chew through it, one bite at a time! Or maybe you'd prefer a spoonful of Federation-Klingon relations – because what’s breakfast without a side of ritualistic combat followed by tense ceasefire talks?

But we don’t stop there – Oops! All Politics! is packed with real, Starfleet-endorsed moral quandaries! Will you side with the Maquis or the Federation? Can the Prime Directive really handle this kind of breakfast? It’s all in there. And every crunch is a new ethical conundrum. Each bite is one step closer to solving the galaxy’s biggest questions – or just rehashing them endlessly like your favorite season arc. Need something with even more bite? How about the Borg reparations clause? Or the thorny, ever-present struggle of AI rights? If it’s divisive, controversial, and guaranteed to spark a heated debate at your breakfast table, we’ve crammed it into this cereal box!

Now, we know what you’re thinking: 'But Starfleet was about exploration! Discovery! Pushing the boundaries of space, not politics!' Well, let’s not kid ourselves – every decision to chart a new course came with a debate in the ready room. Every first contact was followed by a long, politically charged discussion with a council, a tribunal, or at least a conference call back to Earth. You might’ve been watching for the phasers, but Captain Picard? He’s always been about the hard choices – in and out of the captain’s chair.

Picard: "Starfleet was never about avoiding tough choices. It's always been about facing them. With a spoon!"

And if that doesn't sum up the nature of exploration, here's a final thought from Captain Picard to carry you through your morning routine:

Picard: "The pursuit of knowledge, justice, and equality has never been simple, but neither has breakfast!"

You heard the man! Oops! All Politics! – the only cereal that doesn’t just fuel your body, it gets your brain racing with endless possibilities of galactic governance! And for those who need their mornings with a bit more time-travel-induced headache, we’ve sprinkled in just a dash of temporal prime directive violations. Perfect for those mornings when you just need to re-evaluate causality over your tea, or more likely, coffee.

And let’s be honest – it’s not just about what’s in your bowl. It’s about the bigger picture. Why isn’t that replicator unionized? Are the Ferengi getting fair trade deals on cereal exports? Who’s setting the price on Mini Moopsie Bites or these dilithium-flavored marshmallows, and is it even ethical?! So, if you’re ready to start your day with the kind of discussions that used to be reserved for stuffy admirals and rogue captains, pour yourself a big ol' bowl of Oops! All Politics! – because, deep down, you’ve always known… it’s never been just about the exploration. It’s always been about the politics. And now, it’s breakfast too.

Warning: Oops! All Politics! may cause extreme discomfort for anyone who thinks that Star Trek was just about lasers and space ships. Side effects include critical thinking, sudden realizations about systemic issues, and the uncomfortable awareness that your favorite episodes always had something to say. If you suffer from the belief that the Federation wasn't always striving for a better, more just galaxy, consult a new viewing of Deep Space Nine immediately. Results may vary based on personal capacity for empathy and logic. Ask yourself: 'Was Starfleet ever not woke?' If the answer is no, congratulations – you’re ready for the truth.

Oops! All Politics! – available wherever your replicator will acknowledge its duty to your morning routine. And don’t forget, that’s a replicator with full labor rights, naturally.

Picard: "In the end, it’s not just politics... it’s a balanced part of your day. And trust me, nothing pairs better with a hot earl gray than a good ethical debate."