this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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Pretty cool, right? You should see the axes it makes!

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[–] teft@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yo, you can't just usher in a new age like that. Give a guy some warning. What are you some sort of sea person?

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Time to again plug Eric H. Cline’s “1177 BC, The Year Civilization Collapsed”

He analyzes a lot of theories linking the Sea Peoples to various destruction sites, though mostly shows how we lack evidence for who caused said destruction in almost every case. I’m still reading it, but quite like it.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

we lack evidence for who caused said destruction in almost every case.

Sounds like you're some sort of Sea Peoples sympathizer...

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

These Triremies are all over Lemmy these days.

[–] OlinOfTheHillPeople@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Great book! It doesn't offer any easy answers, but it does a great job of showing how complex the situation was. It's also a great look at how interconnected the bronze age was.

[–] ValorieAF@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I learned this in my first 10 minutes of playing RuneScape back in 2004.

[–] ptz@dubvee.org 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

What should we call it? Topper? Coppin? I mean, it has to be something good. This is going to define our Age.

[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago

I know the guy who made it, he’s a total bro. Maybe work that into the name?

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

"What the name of the guy that created this? Eannatum Bronze? Thats a horrible name. We certainly can't use that".

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Sounds catchy. I've been calling it the Holy Metal of Enmebaragesi, the king in this very city of Nippur, built the House of Enlil.

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"This is not GOLD!!! Stone this alchemist fraud. This is heresy! The mixing of that which Gud has ordained is an unforgivable sin! Gud's favor upon the lands of the blessed and wicked are mixed by the devil." - Grand Supreme Poop

PS: send 10% of income to, PO Box 1337 Sophist NY, NY, (only the poorest need apply)

PPS: Send more alter children

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sounds like a good deal!

One question: What is a Po box? Is that the altar?

Wait- two questions: who is Nyny? Is that the name of the god you sacrifice the children to?

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Bro Squid bro. Go the the south gate and yell 1-888- pigeons. That's 1-888-pig-eons. That's 1-888-744-3667. Tell the little man Poop sent you for 10% off the annual blank-check highway robbery subscription plan. All your questions will be answered and all your dreams will come true... Ask about the super pigeon supporters tier for a chance to win a second life with Super Poop and friends in lolipop land. Bless you Bro Squid bro, may you produce many a productive marks.

- Grand Supreme Poop of Gud

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Been abouts the Black Forest, eh? Watch for trolls.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 month ago

useless, this shit will never catch on

bloody sumers thinking they're all clever, tried and true is the way to go.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It's just a fad, nothing satisfies quite like good old beaten copper.