this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2023
0 points (NaN% liked)

Relationship Advice

2510 readers
2 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
 

We met like four years ago and have gotten to know each other since then. We talk about our lives, work, struggles, relationships, video games, music, et cetera. Sometimes, though, I feel like this friendship shouldn't exist because people may find it strange that I am friends with someone 14 years older than me. What do you think?

top 15 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Modva@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I didn't even realize this was a thing. We can't be friends with older people now?

I mean if it's not sexual and you're just buddies I'm not where the problem is.

[–] JoBo@feddit.uk 1 points 10 months ago

Perfectly respectable even if it is sexual. Just about fits "half your [his] age +7" but that guideline matters much less once the younger party is over 25 anyway.

[–] DestroyerOfWorlds@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago

you've been reverse catfished by busty petite asian girl 2 years younger than you.

[–] derekabutton@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Why wouldn't this be fine? You met at 23. It's not like you were groomed from childhood. Strangers on the Internet cannot validate your relationship with this man. Only you know the details that can inform the decision you have made to befriend him.

Please consider how much credence you give to the opinions of others, especially considering that you feel as though your friendship shouldn't exist at times for absolute nonsense reasons.

Wait a minute. Did I just convince you it's all fine? Don't listen to me. I know nothing. Stop listening to strangers about things they don't understand and think for yourself. You got this.

[–] Diplomjodler@feddit.de 0 points 10 months ago

Who says you can only be friends with people your own age? That's just dumb.

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm 38m and I'm friends with 2 women that are about 20 or 21 so I don't see the problem.

[–] CustodialTeapot@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Sorry, but that actually is kinda weird and I'd consider concerning. By all means your relationship may be "fine" on the surface but it's in the realms of potential grooming dynamics.

I'm sure due to Lemmy's vacuum chamber my opinion is likely going to be unpopular here.

[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Lol grooming a 21yo?!?? Do you even hear yourself? Girl can drink but has so little agency she can be groomed?

Can't blame Lemmy just cuz u have shit opinions.

Lmfao. Clown

[–] CustodialTeapot@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yikes, drinking = absolute maturity to you? That's your level of being able to consent and be of age?

Check yourself.

[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Lmfao your reading comprehension is shit if that's what you think I said. On what planet is a 21 not able to act like her own adult self without some asshole like you thinking she's a fragile little creature. Grow up and get over your Disney white knight fantasy you utter child.

[–] CustodialTeapot@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago

Imagine not being able to have an argument without insulting the other party. How childish of you. Maybe you should actually reflect on how much of a child you are.

Always the angry keyboard warriors that think everyone else is the thing they really are. Grow up and learn that people all don't think like you you Disney White Knight keyboard warrior child.

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm married and and the 2 young women are lesbians and are in a relationship together. There is no grooming of any kind going on. We just enjoy talking. Not every interaction between men and women has to be sexual and it's gross you think that it does.

[–] CustodialTeapot@lemmy.world -1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

More context changes the story. I didn't speak on absolutes and in your statement of given context, I'll stand by mine.

With that, it's fine.

And yes, I believe looking at the first picture you painted, the public should errr on the side of caution and questioning. By all means, not drive in ends but choose to question things at the least.

And no I didn't sexualise the girls I put it on the male in that power dynamic. You came to a conclusion just as quick as I did, kinda making it look like you wanted to bait someone into that. Or more so, looking for others to try justify your actions.

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

I wasn't doing either of those things. I added my comment because it is similar to the op and you 100% did make my comment sexual simply because of the genders involved. My comment did not require any extra context until you tried to make it seem like I was an evil sexual predator, just itching to trick a younger person into having sex with me which says more about you than it does me.

[–] sasquash471@feddit.de 0 points 10 months ago

When you go to school all your friends are there same age because those are the people you are around all day. But once you get older into work life and such that changes. I think it's pretty normal to have friends which are many years older or younger as an adult. I wouldn't mind, be happy that you have such a good friend!