Just gonna barge in to say, this post and its comments, and this community explains what I've experienced in my life so much and makes me feel almost certain it's some form of anxiety disorder. Thank you random strangers for this diagnosis
Socialanxiety
A safe space for people to discuss their experiences, feelings and thoughts on social anxiety and socialphobia.
Values: Acceptance Openness Understanding Equality
Rules:
- Be respectful of and considered towards others.
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
- Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
- Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do.
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Spending a greater part of a bus ride, worrying as the bus gets fuller and anticipating having to push my way out or accidentally stepping on toes.
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Replaying past interactions in my head and beating myself over what I could have done better.
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Taking the paths with less people around.
There are more but I'm a bit wiped at the moment.
My ability to recognize my emotions, like anxiety is frighteningly low. I first learned how to detect it because a medication gave me a panic attack.
Some hindsight things I could've recognized and some current ones: I feared gatherings,
After getting my driving license I did not want to drive by myself,
eating dinner with my family always felt awkward,
Extreme self awareness of all my actions and interactions,
Inability to randomly interact with strangers,
can't use urinals unless I'm alone,
have been spending the past 2 weeks building the courage to ask HR about schooling this fall.