this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it's huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.

like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I'd honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?

(page 3) 45 comments
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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't know if he'd fuck you per se. But he might make sweet sweet love to you

Cue the Barry manilow

[–] GiantChickDicks@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Who in the sweet fuck is boning to Barry Manilow?!

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

this person was obviously seeing your mother last night

[–] GiantChickDicks@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

She's dead, so this only deepens my curiosity.

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago

society as a whole has agreed that "yo momma" jokes are not actually about the other party's mother. people like you who break that convention gets this

[–] Sarcasmo220@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The best way to fight is to prevent it from happening in the first place. I would recommend carrying an air horn or whistle and use the noise to scare it off.

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 2 points 1 week ago

I deal with a lot of unleashed dogs around here going after my dog so I'm already carrying pepper spray. it's too bad avians are immune to it.

actually it's not THAT bad. pepper spraying a seabird would probably end up with it drowning because it can't see where it's flying

[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

It's be hard to fight what you can't see.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Arrange a Knife-Pelican Fight and make damn sure you Bring a gun to that party

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It depends. How exactly do you expect to find yourself up in a fight with a pelican?

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