Bisexual

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This is a community for bisexuals, their allies, friends, family, anyone curious about us or our community, or just people who want to hang out.

Bisexual means different things to different people, and I'm not going to tell you what it should mean to you. But one thing I will say is that being bisexual does NOT mean being trans-exclusionary. We love no matter what dingles, dongles, or dangles you do or do not have in your pants.

Of course, there are the basic rules. No hate speech, no brigading, no doxing, no homophobia, no transphobia, no sexism, no racism, no illegal material. Rules will be added as needed.

At the moment, we do not have a hard and fast rule over NSFW images or posts, but I will say that this is a community about bisexuality, not for porn. Please don't make me ban NSFW content altogether.

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Feeling like no other choice? (lemm.ee)

submitted 10 months ago by gim@lemm.ee to c/bisexual@lemmy.world

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I (guy) considered myself straight most of my life. Didn’t even think about it. A couple years ago I had some sexual going ons with a dude and enjoyed it, I would happily engage in such things again. This continued for a while. People being attractive is the hook on the end of the line, but having an attractive personality and deeply caring for one another is what I really want. I guess that makes me bisexual. Not that anyone but two of my friends know.

Now I’ve moved and am longing for someone to hold me. I would’ve (probably fruitlessly) gone for women before (and still have interest in them) but I have a concern of anyone taking me the wrong way. I imagine women have some degree of caution when being approached by guys. A minority of guys may approach women with the intent of having sex with them and I’m sure that concern is in the back of their head when a guy they don’t know well is talking to them. I’m concerned about inappropriately coming off this way so that plus a lack of past successes has made me give up hope on that front. Conversely, I feel ‘I’ve got this’ about approaching guys I find attractive. It’s something new to me. (When it comes to expressing romantic interest, though, I’ll probably find the shy part of myself taking over lol.)

Anyways, ramble over. What should I do? Any words of advice? I’m not special, this can’t be a unique situation. Thanks for reading.

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[–] Cranakis@lemmy.one 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

considered myself straight most of my life

I don't have advice but I relate to you here. I'm also a man and have only come to terms with my bisexuality in the last 3 years or so, but I'm probably older than you. I wonder what the future will hold for me. I'm married so that complicates things, and most of my friends think of me as straight, along with all of my family. I wouldn't mind them knowing at this point but I just haven't had a reason to tell them. It would cause some of them stress and I'd just rather not if I don't have to.

longing for someone to hold me

Here I relate to the specifics of your need/desire but not that desire exactly. I do like being held. To my wife's credit I feel mostly satisfied there. I feel a strong need to be desired though, suddenly along with all of this, and I feel dissatisfied there. I want to be wanted badly (sexually). An experience with a gay man that never turned sexual at all is at the start of that, for me, just a year or so ago.

I agree with others here that we are all pretty unique, and I extend that to everyone, everywhere. Good for you for working to understand yourself better.

[–] gim@lemm.ee 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Thanks. The better we understand ourselves, the more we can improve.

[–] Cranakis@lemmy.one 1 points 9 months ago

I strongly agree

[–] Acamon@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't know if I'm just being dyslexic, but I don't feel like I get the core of your problem. Is it that you're torn between trying to date/hook up with guys (which feels easier but is new?) vs gals (but you're worried that women will find your advances unwanted?)?

If I'm understanding you right, then I've felt the same way. I've actually ended up in a long-term relationship with guy, which isn't something I'd ever imagined, just because I went through a period of time where I was very stressed and busy and didn't have time to date girls in the way I'd been used to, but hooking up with guys (via apps) was super easy and stress free. Just happened to meet a guy that I really hit it off with and now we've been together a long while.

Anyway, if you're worried about guy stuff being new, don't be! People are people, and in the end every man and women is pretty unique, so what seems like a really different thing (dating a different gender from usual) turns out to just be more variety. If you're worried about women not wanting to be approached, I think if you do it nicely, in a relaxed and friendly manner and take a hint if they're not interested then it's okay!

And if you're worried that you somehow need to choose, you don't! That one of many joys of being bi, is you can be interested in anyone who tickles your fancy!

Something that I wouldn't recommend (because I used to do it a lot) is trying to put girls at their ease by dropping hints that I'm bi/queer/interested in guys too. I thought it would help by making me seem less threatening, but only latter found out that depressing number of straight girls have a lot of (subconscious?) biphobia, and assume that if a guy is bi then he's actually just gay and in denial (or worse, is some sort of std ridden slut).

[–] gim@lemm.ee 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Not your fault, I didn’t make a good title. You’re on the nose. I just need to be nice, friendly, relaxed like you said. I suppose I’m asking a group of bisexuals a general question hoping for something that’ll be especially resonant with me. I guess there’s also a balancing act of being subtle but letting that part of myself slow when talking to dudes.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Go for whoever you want. Don't let a fear of another's fear hold you back.

Say what you want. You're looking for someone to hold you.

[–] gim@lemm.ee 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That sounds great, but I imagine saying that being quite awkward.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

If a person dislikes you for saying that, they're not for you.

[–] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago

Dating apps are an easy way to meet people, I don't recommend tinder unless you absolutely have to, bumble is a good one, and there are a few others. And don't worry so much, just put yourself out there. If you can tell someone is comfortable, just leave them alone, maybe give them a "ok sorry to bother you have a good day/evening" or something. Just be yourself and someone who's a good fit for you won't be offput.