I do a lot of things that people are afraid to do and it feels so easy for me⦠and yet simple social interaction can be so incredibly stressful.
this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2024
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AskBeehaw
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I dreamed about my high school class today. The school psychologist came to our lesson. At some point, two priests showed up, and the teacher, along with the psychologist, ran to the psychologist's office. The priests chased after them because they had come to play with them (rap. yooo yooo- you know, banned word). One mischievous classmate also ran after them, and then policemen ran after them in the hallway to catch them.
Everything happened very quickly. Some of the classmates went into that room, but there was another door slightly ajar, and everyone was afraid to go in. Everyone was shouting one by one: 'Cut them off!'
There was a bathtub in the corner, and suddenly one of the classmates started breaking eggs into it, and then everyone followed suit, and soon everything was spilling all over the floor. The end. The ending is funny. :D
π€ The eggs are clearly a representation for your repressed sexual drive towards your grandmother.
Also remind me to start charging you more
Holds up well to fast food, poor sleep, and no exercise π«
Always worth an experiment to see how you'd feel if you played your cards right
Mine has Borderline Personality Disorder.
Wait... That's not funny... π€
It's borderline funny π
I've seen someone talk about it on soft white underbelly. It must be hard or impossible to function in this society, right?
I have a whole forest in mine.
And I can access many different worlds and scenarios any time I want.
Does the forest vary in how engaging it is to you? What is the most amazing place?
No, not particularly. It is all equally as interesting. I am still exploring it though.
What kind of forest is it?
A very dark one, it feels homey.
I can imagine it :) Are there any animals?
There might be, however, I've only met people, which are also technically animals and animls can be people. So yeah, most of it is flora though not fauna.
Can you teleport
In the forest? I've never thought about it, maybe. I'd have to try.
It's one of the basic lucid dreaming skills. I use it the same way when lucid day dreaming.
It's kinda connected to the stabilizing skill, where you try to stabilize your environment. But it's interesting that it sounds like it is already stable for you on its own? So I wonder how that relates to teleporting for you.
Because teleporting heavily destabilizes the environment and can wake you up during a lucid dream, so it's a difficult skill to learn.
Ah that makes sense. Probably why I wouldn't teleport then since to me it's a stable environment.
Thank you for explaining.
I'll pm you a gpt output regarding teleportation practice
Well, I'm happy that you asked π€
I'm privileged with my brain, but it does require a lot of special attention.
As I mentioned in another comment here already, I think in experiences. This has many pros and cons.
One of the pros is that math comes easy to me because I can simply look at it and resolve it visually. While writing this I am seeing thin red lines tangling and detangling, because that is one representation of math to me.
When I close my eyes I immediately see a stream of morphing images, much like those diffuse ai videos. But it is fully immersive with sound and is also emotional. The past few years it has also turned haptic, which is a bit unsettling because I am worried about hurting myself with my physical pose. I've had a few times that I return and my legs are sleeping. When I say hapric I don't just mean the ability to touch stuff, I also mean the deep feeling of being physically there.
I can go on, but I don't want to make this too long. Here are some contras.
My brain simply refuses to do certain things, no matter how hard I want or need to do them. It's not due to a lack of discipline. Basically I have a symbiotic relationship with my subconsciousness, and I better not forget it.
It always needs new information and to experiment with new things. This has consequences. For instance I can't really hold a routine longer than that it is interesting. I can get up at 5 every day, go for a run, then get to work and earn money. But this will only last a maximum of a few months until my brain decides it is done with exploring it. After that all I can do is accept the verdict and come up with something new, even if I was rather enjoying the results, or needed it.
I can't really play games for very long. If I really really like a game I can play it for maybe two weeks. But for the life of me I can't understand how someone can play a game for thousands of hours. The flood of novelty changes into a trickle and it's just not enough to keep old Bessie happy. And it kind of sucks because I can imagine it must be so chill to just have this one goto game for unwinding, and it must be nice to be able to be part of a clan and to know all the little ins and outs of a game world.
I was absolutely atrocious in school. My brain is just incapable of learning that a queen has to be written to this way and a bishop has to be written to that way in a letter. I can see that it's easy. I can see that I need to learn it for my own good. But it's just not in the cards, so I flunked over and over again. I cried so much, and I didn't realize that I wasn't entirely stupid until I was 26!
A few years ago I had art therapy. The therapist told us to do a test. It was a piece of paper with a grid of points on it, some of them connected with lines. We had to look at it for a short while. Then we had to turn it over. On the other side you had the same grid but without any of the lines, and she told us to fill it in with the same pattern, from memory.
Most people there would have failed the test if it would have been in an academic setting. A few were pretty decent. But I aced it and didn't miss a single thing. I cried so hard, because of all the trauma it brought up. It taught me that I'm not a failure and I have my own abilities.
One last contra is that all words appear experientially to me. So for example trickle down economy looks/feels like someone peeing. And there's a user on here called maggot, and it's disgusting to me because I keep seeing a maggot in trash, and I can sort of feel its soft scales and so on.
Love this! I'm glad you were able to come to learn what worked best for you. There are levels of academia and standardized is not for everyone, so it's great that you eventually did find your strengths!
Thanks. Coming to this realization has allowed me to leverage my strengths on the market and also in terms of output for what I care about myself.
I feel this applies to so many other people too, that they feel bad about themselves because of what they were taught, and just don't see how strong they really are in some areas.
For example a friend of mine has adhd and flunked everything. But when you are talking with her she can totally hyperfocus on you and absolutely be there. She's a listener and a healer. She has thank you notes from people all over her apartment.
She's also freakin poor and always struggling. I told her yesterday hey why don't you go into coaching? There is such a high demand for people like you, you don't have to be licensed, and I know you'd ace it.
When it's awake, it has aphantasia and no internal monologue.
When it's asleep, it has hyperphantasia and lucid dreaming.
Waking up every day, feels like getting a lobotomy.
The funny part, is that sometimes it feels like I "just know" some things, or "just do" some things... out of the blue, with no conscious effort, but they match the conscious process (...or is this the subconscious talking? hm).
What is consciousness to you?
I call consciousness, the part of mental processes that is self-aware, makes decisions about what to do before it does it, and can remember having made them.
For example: I've just put on a t-shirt.
- I consciously decided that I would put on a t-shirt and which one.
- I noticed that my body got close to the t-shirt, extended an arm to grab it, went through the motions of putting on a t-shirt, used one hand to scratch an itch on the other elbow, spun around, and sat down.
At no moment did I decide to do any of those actions in particular, just witnessed them a moment after they happened. It was some other process(es) that executed them, and I only remember deciding to "put on a t-shirt and which one".
As I write this, I sound in my head what I could write next, consciously feel which of those sound better and feel more like what I want to transmit, then my finger moves across the phone keyboard to type or swipe the word, with flashes of conscious decisions about autocorrect, while mostly sitting idle and watching things happen. Then I read it back, sounding each word and feeling whether they sound right, while other words and sentences "get proposed to me" and I feel whether they'd feel better or worse.
So there is a lot of things going on "in the background", that I kind of have control about, but I consciously only watch and coast on, feeling whether I should step in. If I do step in, it's like a flash of conscious decision, and back to coasting.
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