Revolt is self-hostable. It isn't E2EE but if you're controlling the users anyways transport encryption should be enough since you have control over the data anyway.
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I tried to set this up recently but failed. I wish there was a up to date noob friendly guide for this. IIRC some containers, mongodb was one of them, didn't go healthy.
If you need E2EE there's only Matrix. I wish it wasn't the only option, but it is. For setting up rooms and so on you can use their Spaces feature, I think.
I've been looking for an alternative, too: https://feddit.de/post/8502516
I’ve recently been testing Mattermost for a family communication platform. I also tried matrix/element and Rocket.Chat. I’m leaning towards Mattermost since the mobile apps (essential for my family) feels the most intuitive.
Element required knowing what features existed and then finding them which isn’t going to work for grandma.
Rocket.chat was good too just leaned towards Mattermost for some reason.
I really wish matrix had a well polished iOS app. The best I found was FluffyChat but even then it felt…not right.
From the ones you mentioned only Matrix supports full E2EE.
Do you even need E2EE if it's a private server with no federation? It seems like transport encryption would be fine which almost everything has.
That's a fine but, as long as the server was hosted at my personal devices, which it isn't but on a hetzner dedicated box. Which is still better than on shared pc's.
Don't really need it, it's just nice to have.
If you're worried about unauthorized access to the physical machine, you could always just do disk-level encryption instead or store the app's data in something like a Veracrypt virtual disk. They'd still be able to access the data if they go through your OS/user, but wouldn't pick anything up by accessing the drive directly.
Nothing short of E2EE can truly stop someone from accessing your data if they have physical access to the server, but disk encryption would require a targeted attack to break, and no host is wasting their time targeting your meme server. I seriously doubt they'd access it even if you had no encryption at all, since if they get caught doing that they'd get in a heap of legal trouble and lose a ton of business.