this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
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Autism
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"I still don't understand why so many people are against liars"
When you create an environment in which nothing has to be empirically proven then you attract liars. Liars will actively make things worse for people who are actually neurodivergent.
It isn't that much of a stretch.
It's not like you can prove that someone is autistic. It's not like there's a blood test, an x-ray, an MRI etc. that can be administered and the results be reproduced.
It's diagnosed based on observed behavior and doesn't really take into account what life feels like for the individual. So getting diagnosed can be very difficult for people who can mask well and on the whole don't represent like a young boy. Those people can just go on and suffer further then in your opinion?
I'm going to repeat myself, I'm not talking about people who demand accommodations and attention. I'm talking about people who look for ways to make their life livable. Those people are not liars, they are suffering and searching for help.
No I'm not saying they should suffer, I'm saying they should actually seek help.
Declaring you're neurodivergent and associating with other people who claim the same is delusion.
Yes there are bad doctors. When you see a bad doctor you go to a different doctor. Otherwise all you're successfully doing is ensuring people treat you differently. Which, in my opinion, is actually the point.
Well, I live in central Europe. In the second largest city in my country. There are two places that diagnose adult females. Waiting list says it takes 3-6 years to even start the process. I'm 42 and I'm not going to waste more years on fighting my brain until they finally have the time to diagnose me. And the most important thing is even when they do diagnose me there won't be any help that I don't have to find myself. It will simply be a note in my medical file.
I already know I'm neurodiverse. I've been diagnosed with ADHD last year and the neurologist who diagnosed me strongly suspected autism as well. She's just not licensed to diagnose me officially.
So I went to look for resources, for books to help me understand why I might be the way that I am. For communities who might understand my struggles.
People in my life don't treat me differently because I don't demand accommodations. I might say that I need a short break to clear my mind, that I need some space or that I don't really feel like talking but that's it. I don't demand they do anything differently, I simply learned more about myself and know how to react differently to things. And that's what self diagnosis is about for me. Finding ways to make your life easier for yourself and not demanding others to accommodate you.
There are certainly people out there who claim to be neurodivergent or to have this or that mental health issue and demand to be treated differently. That is a problem and I acknowledge that. Especially with the rise of TikTok videos etc. it's getting worse. There is a difference between those people and people who are just looking for ways to understand themselves better, finding ways to help themselves and taking the responsibility for doing that on themselves.
Criticizing the first group of people is one thing but telling the latter one their experiences are not valid is very hurtful and doesn't help anyone.
Thank you for your patience in responding to hurtful and dismissive ignorance. The "it works for me so you're lying!" attitude towards the medical system here is maddening.
Well, I do kind of understand the position. I'm bothered by all those people saying "everyone is a little bit ADHD" as well.
I just think there needs to be an open dialogue about self diagnosis and that there is a difference between people just claiming something and people who did their research and "soul searching", maybe even have professional opinions but no official diagnosis.
In "Unmasking Autism" Devon Price called my generation the lost generation. Women and minorities who grew up during a time when autism was being diagnosed but the criteria were based on behavior of a Caucasian young boy. We were overlooked and had to fight for ourselves. When I went to elementary school Asperger's syndrome wasn't even in the DSM yet.
Tbh, I'd much rather be neurotypical or at least have resources to actually help me. Unfortunately that's not an option so I'm doing the best I can.
I'm so sorry you're wishing to be someone else. YI imagine you must experience significant difficulties to get there. Still, I'm happy you have the motivation to continue making changes in your life so you could be happy. If you find anything useful, please share so that us other autists can learn about it :)
Thank you! I don't really wish to be someone else. I just spent the first 20 years of my life being told and thinking I was stupid, lazy and incapable of making friends. The next 20 years were spent masking extremely well and passing for "normal", except for those total breakdowns every couple of years when I couldn't really eat, sleep or communicate for a few weeks. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD etc. but the meds and therapy didn't really help that much. Finally I got a new therapist, a young one, fresh from uni and full of new information and ideas and after reading my file she made me take tests for ADHD and autism. Both were pretty conclusive but she's not licensed to diagnose it. I got diagnosed with ADHD almost two years ago and got meds and better help but there's still a lot of grief for all the years that could have been better and that's what makes me wish to be different sometimes.