this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
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They tried this with firefighters before way back when, and then realized that fire doesn't seem to care who's subscribed or not lol. Can you imagine? "The fire and EMS lobby" would be powerfully pushing for reduced safety and maybe even starting fires themselves LOL.
Edit while looking up the first thing: Oh my word... mercenary firefighters are a thing for the rich and we're living in clown world.
EDIT: Link went to NYT because it was top result, but screw that lol. Fixed.
I can see it now though...
Privatized emergency services be like:
"Thank you for calling 9-1-1, this is Janeanniesomebody, can I have your 14-digit emergency insurance number, date of birth, and mother's maiden name please. Okay thank you, one moment while I verify that..." (Click)
"Your call is very important to us. Want to skip the line when it matters most? Did you know, for only $49.97 a month, you can get Emergency-Services-Plus+! Whether you want help fast, or to regret being covered for the rest of your life, we have a plan right for YOU!
"Remember, emergency insurance means you can have peace of mind that, when you're in mortal danger, we're only a phone call and 45-minutes-to-1-business-day away! Not signed up yet? Press 1, and we can help!"
((Trendy upbeat hold music))
"Did you know? We're always hiring!"
(Receiver pickup) "Thank you for calling this is Devaidengregjimmothy, dispatch specialist, how can I help you today? Hello?......Hello?...."
Cassius from the tail end of the roman republic famously was the richest man in Rome and owned the “fire brigade”. When a fire broke out he would only put it out after the owner agreed to sell the place for next to nothing.
Crassus.
You are right, my bad.
No problem.
Also the guy whom Parthians had drink molten gold.
He wanted to try himself as a general too, but that didn't quite work out.
I don't know why you're being downvoted, that's the account. It probably didn't happen, but it made a great story. The greediest, richest man in Rome bought an army and was made to drink what he craved most when he failed. Poetic justice.
Side note, Crassus was an experienced military man who fought under Sulla, and put down Spartacus' rebellion. But he was no general, treated legionnaires under his command with brutal discipline, even using the mostly outdated decimation (if a unit failed, or dishonored themselves, they were forced to beat every tenth man in the unit to death as punishment. )
The only reason he invaded Parthia was that he was envious of Pompey and Caesar's respect amongst the plebes (common citizens, i.e. peasants.) Military conquests were a sure way to gain respect in Roman culture, and to amass fortunes in slaves and booty.
Yes, I know ; there are a few stories of his death, some mutually exclusive. The most popular is the version that he was beheaded, "gold-fed" and his head used instead of cabbage in a theatrical play, the place is disputed too, most likely Ecbatana or Susa, but there's also a version of that happening in Artaxata (matches the premise where it's said that he didn't listen to Artavazd's warning out of his pride, and then Artavazd decided to "betray" Crassus by remaining loyal to Parthia).
I think I've heard a version of him being overfed with meat and fat and made drink cold water, thus dying ; well, I don't know if it's even a working way to execute someone.