this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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Please excuse me if I inadvertently offend. I am a 51 year old bisexual man. I have been an active bisexual man since the late eighties. My wife teases me because of twelve serious relationships I have had with persons born female, ten have been queer. Six of them would probably identify as trans men now but this was the nineties. I also casually dated a lot other queer women, some of which have now officially transitioned.
Ok, all that preamble is in the service of this question. Is "having a type" the same as fetishing? If not, is fetishing like what some do to black men and "BBC hunting"?
If this is an offensive question, please let me know and I will delete. As I said, I am 51. I am from such a different era (which sucked for bi men) that I might as well be from a different planet. I just hate being ignorant on a subject that has been such a big part of my life.
having a type is not the same thing, the essence of fetishizing is objectifying a body type without the consent or consideration of the person who owns the body
e.g. "it would be a shame to waste those great tits of yours" is a fetishization because it's only taking into account the viewer's perspective, not the owner's. a lot of trans men feel really dysphoric about having breasts and, quite frankly, it is only their business if they get top surgery or not. if they ask for your opinion, you can give it, but it should probably emphasize their happiness anyways because they're the ones who have to live in their body, at the end of the day
basically, as long as you treat the person you're seeing with respect and consideration for their happiness, you don't really need to worry about it