this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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Lord of the memes
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Galadriel and Celeborn were married in the First Age and the story takes place at the end of the Third, so they were married for at least six and a half thousand years. During that time, they had one child. How often do you think they had sex?
Successfully millions of times, unsuccessfully once.
To be fair, his name is Celeborn. Can't blame him for being celibate.
No, I blame Tolkien and his literally making elves only bang for the purpose of procreation because he's a repressed Catholic weirdo sometimes.
Jokes on him, modern society has agreed elves are hos.
Some would say 40k maybe went a little too far in the opposite direction with dark elves.
It would be prudent for a sentient species with such long lifespans to practice planned procreation rather than multiplying exponentially like a culture on a petri dish.
He could have just given them all narrow urethras like Hank Hill
There's the Elven Rope that's light as a feather and strong as steel. No reason there could not have been the Elven Condom that's thin and impermeable.
Fair enough, but I think we can agree that Tolkien elves were bad at planning
AkShUaLlY…. It’s pronounced “Kel-a-born”….but I still applaud your humor!
Most, if not all c’s are pronounced as hard K’s in Elvish (Elven?) languages.
It does get a little weird with places like Cirith Ungol, but there are, allegedly, older maps where it’s spelled Kirith.
All Celeborn has is Teleporno.