What's your relationship like with your grandparents?
My grandma passed last weeek. I've been thinking about my relationship with her and my other grandparents. My family and I visit them on holidays and they were nice enough. But I don't feel like I knew my grandma or know my other grandparents.
I think my family is weird maybe? Idk it's the only one I know lol. We'd talk about tv and movies we've watched recently. What they watched. Tell the grandparents what was going on in our lives. Ask about what was going in grandma and grandpas life. Mostly get answers like "same old same old", tales of doctor visits, or NCIS.
But like who are they as people? What were dreams when they were young? what adventures have they been on? what sparks joy in their life? What struggles have been through?
Like if I had to describe my grandmother I'd say she was a nice, pleasant lady who was mostly kind and liked cats, but not enough to get her own, just fed the neighbors cat. A description a stranger could give after meeting her talking for a bit maybe.
Looking back at my relationship with my grandparents, it all feels surface level. I never shared any of the hard shit I was dealing with, never really vulnerable around them. They were never vulnerable around me.
I don't know many details of their life beyond career, maybe the places they've lived, pets they've owned.
Maybe that's a reflection on my parents. We were never really vulnerable with each other about stuff, when someone was it was often mocked. My parents were not good parents a lot of the time. Who knows maybe that's a result of their parents?
But umm yeah, Lemmy what's your relationship like with your grandparents? Are you real close? Do you know them well, or more like a coworker you enjoy occasionally small talking with? Or rotten shitbags? I wish I knew my grandma better.
I'm older now, but basically my maternal grandparents used to have us as kids nearly every weekend over at their place. They've lived a five minute walk away from us, which is a big thing on the edge of downtown of a big city. My paternal grandparents used to live on the other side of the city and we saw them once or twice a year maybe.
Now that I have my own kids: the maternal great grandparents and the grandma live a five hour ride away. We visit them once a year. They never visit us. The grandpa is an idiot and zero contact.
The paternal grams (my mother) tries to visit as often as she can. Which is not a lot, because she's anxious about overseas travel. Grandpa is dead.
Basically my children will be growing up without knowing a fun, strong grandfather figure, while I had at least one growing up. And they'll only be seeing their grandmothers once a year each. While I had the caring and wise words of mine all the way into my young adulthood.
The image of a nuclear family for me was always siblings, parents, grandparents all the way until my father died in my twenties, and then it kinda broke apart. I cared less about my relationship with my grandparents back then, and by the time I came to my senses it was too late. Either death or dementia has taken them. I don't plan on repeating the same mistakes with my mother, who is nearing 70 now.