Chat

CW: some discussion of transphobia

Tomorrow I get to have a call with a side of the family I haven't talked to in almost 2 years. Since coming out publicly, my family has been surprisingly good. There are slip ups and ideas that are meh but overall it's gone better than I thought. With the exception of one part of my family.

My dad's birth father and his family. Tbf while I know my grandpa's feelings. I am not sure about the rest. I believe my more liberal aunt who I'll be talking with tomorrow is fine with me, but I worry about my grandpa.

My grandpa has always been one of the most supportive and loving people in my life. When I lived away from all family for almost a decade, he was the only one who would regularly visit me. I hated where I was and he knew that. He knew the visits would make my time away easier. No one else in my family cared to. Sure my parents came occasionally. But it was maybe 3 times over the 8 years. My grandpa made a point to visit multiple times a year. Growing up he'd always be one of my biggest supporters. Even though I was a grandchild from a son he didn't raise and didn't know all that well. We were close. I was close with all of that part of my family.

I can't really describe how devastating it was when I learned he had no intention of ever accepting me and I would always be dead name to him. He used to call me roughly once every couple months. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 years.

His daughter reached out to me last week. We're going to chat tomorrow. I think in an attempt to rekindle our relationship. Idk how to feel or what to expect. I want to rekindle our relationship. But I'm worried about what emotional position that will put me in. Thinking about him almost always ends up with me sobbing