Oh please, I tried that "fake it til you make it" horseshit and it was worn away through years of constant shitheads using me for their entertainment, all the while trying my hardest to believe it would come eventually.

The hard facts of life are this: life is not a fairy tale. Not every story has a happy ending. As you read this, there are kids out there catching bullets in Gaza who will never even get to finish puberty, let alone find love. Nothing is guaranteed -- you can try as hard as you want at something, and sometimes you simply will not have it for factors entirely outside of your control. Some people will never be able to serve on submarines, because they are too tall. Some people will never be able to be a commercial pilot, because they are colorblind. Likewise, some of us just aren't destined for love, be it for any myriad constellations of internal and external factors.

In my case, I have mild autism, and I can never mask well enough that someone decent won't see through my facade. Oh, sure, I'm apparently fun to be around for brief periods at a time, but I guess the novelty of a spastic wears off for them and they quickly make their exit, ghosting me soon enough. But more upsettingly, all the horrible people who stick around to use me for their entertainment, I can never see through theirs before it's too late.

It's not fair. But sometimes that's just how things are.

And now, knowing what I do, I'd not put effort towards something as hard to find and keep as love. At least when I put my efforts towards other pursuits, I can see measurable progress in some way. Trying to find love was like ramming my head against a brick wall and hoping the wall would break before I did. If you want to help someone who's on that "forever alone" drivel, it's a bitter pill to swallow, but they're much better off putting their effort towards things they're actually making progress in. Your best chance of finding love in such a scenario? Dumb luck. It will either fall out of the great blue sky for you, or it won't, and that's just how it is.

[–] DV8@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

I don't mean to give you unrequested advice so apologies if I come across as dismissive of your experience. I just feel like I can add some points that people in your situation might benefit from.

And that is to not chase love in itself. I found that as I got older I also accepted that I would grow old without a romantic relationship. Though I did invest time in my friendship relationships, and that did work.

While being somewhat saddened by it, I accepted that the chances of me finding love through dating apps was low, in particular because I don't want to have kids, which obviously is a deal-breaker for many people. So my approach there was to just try to enjoy the moment without expectations and without judgement. If I got a match I'd try to have a fun conversation, if it was fun I'd try to set up a date, and if that was fun I'd keep it going. Just going for having an enjoyable time at that moment without expectations. It made even the dates that weren't going anywhere long term enjoyable experiences, with the occasional opportunity for physical intimacy with someone who was on the same page about expectations. I could have lived like that but just got plain lucky this year I think. For me it still feels amazing to have happened so I'm not going to type lies and say it will happen for everyone. But I went into this relationship with no expectations either so regardless of what happens in the future I will treasure what is happening now, as I'm a relationship with the most amazing woman who adores aspects of me that would often be things other dates told me made me seem immature and obsessive.

So, you and people that relate to you, I genuinely wish you happiness and good things. In all aspects of life. But please don't give up on meeting new people if you can, you might make someone else happy just by existing. Or if not you could at least give them a nice date.

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