ADHD

CW: suicidal ideation

Firstly, an apology. I've posted here a couple of times during low moments and then never followed up. Received a lot of helpful and sympathetic comments each time and it's kinda shitty I've never even updated my original posts about things being better (because they are).

Onto the meat. Between a couple of long-term relationships and long periods of not really looking for a partner, I hadn't realised I'd managed to get to my late 20s without ever having to 'date'. Both my serious relationships were friends that progressed onto the next level.

Emotionally, this stuff is devastating. Matching with someone who seems interesting and attractive, and they cannot/will not genuinely engage in conversation. Having an amazing conversation with someone in an evening, and then nothing ever again.

Worst are all the feelings associated with RSD when you're not sure there's even a problem. But you are certain there's an issue. How'd you explain that to anyone? How'd you explain that to them?

Idk why I'm posting this rant. I'm sorry for disturbing you all. I don't even want someone to tell me I'm wrong or right or anything else. Selfishly, all I want is for someone to tell me:

'Yeah, no, you're right there's something wrong with you in particular. You really will never be happy and you're right, you shouldn't be here. No, you're absolutely right, there's an unplacable ugliness to you that you can't fix and everyone will always notice.'

I don't know what I'd do if someone confirmed all my worst fears but I think it'd make me feel better? Like things made sense? Like I was correct about something for once.

Sorry again.

I might delete this later but I feel like shit. ADHD / my inability to get it under control to a level that works for my partner is destroying my relationship and I'm trying to work on my issues and find strategies and some things are getting better but it's like our relationship has already been damaged beyond repair.

One HUGE issue for us is me again and again forgetting something that's important for my partner and them feeling deeply hurt as a result because they feel their needs don't matter. But they do matter and I try to care for them as best as I can but I also keep forgetting things. And I also understand that this is extremely hurtful regardless of whether or not I'm doing it on purpose (which I'm not).

My partner also suffers from strong migraines, so sleep is important to them. I know this. Bedtime is 10pm and when I'm out and have to be home by a certain time I will be (unless there's something outside of my control).

Last night I was an ADHD group for the first time. My partner asked me how long it would go. I told them it's from 6 to 8pm. So - naturally - they assumed I would be home by around 8:40. They also insist that I said so, but I can't remember that.

When the meeting ended one of the other people walked up to me about something I said in the group because she has very similar experiences in her relationship, asked if we could stay in touch, and we chatted a bit. When I realized it was already 8:20 I told her I had to go and said good-bye. I then texted my partner that I unexpectedly ended up chatting with someone from the group and would be home by 9:15. To me that was okay because there would still be enough time to be in bed by 10.

My partner however had wanted to go to bed at 9:30 because they'd already been up since 5:30 that day. I knew they had been up early and I knew they had an exhausting day the next but I did not put these things together and make the conclusion that getting up early could mean they'd also want to sleep earlier. If I had known that I wouldn't have chatted with that other person. My partner insists that we agreed that I would be on my way home right away but from my perspective it wasn't a definitive agreement.

My partner then texted me back, telling me that they thought it was shitty of me to be late, that I still needed to do the dishes and that they had wanted to go to bed at 9:30 because they'd been up since 5:30. Perfectly understandable but I wasn't aware of that because I have problems putting 1 and 1 together. I apologized but my partner remained angry.

When I came home they told me they were going to lie down now (which in our area often also means going to sleep). I went outside quickly with the dog so she could pee and when I came back and saw there was still light in my partner's room I started doing the dishes. They came outside super mad and asking me basically if I had lost my mind, why was I doing the dishes when they'd told me they'd wanted to sleep. I get that I should have asked if they're going to sleep now right away or if I could still do the dishes and I tried to explain myself but they didn't care.

We ended up having a huge ugly fight where I also belittled their feelings (which I understand is a shitty thing to do) because to me talking for 20 minutes and thus running late isn't a big issue in the light of me not being aware that they'd wanted to go to bed earlier. If I had known I would have made sure to be home earlier.

I understand my partner being hurt again and again by my inability to perceive and remember their needs. I'm trying, I'm really trying to be considerate but I keep fucking up and I keep hurting them and I feel so fucking frustrated and deeply sad.

PS: I really know belittling someone's feelings is a shitty thing to do but from my perspective it was them being super mad about me talking to someone for a bit and therefore running late but in what was still an acceptable time frame for me. Because I didn't know they 100% definitely wanted me home right away so they could go to bed earlier than usual. They told me I should have asked in advance when they wanted to go to sleep and yeah I will try to remember that from now on but I didn't think of it.

!!!!!PPS: Irregular / not enough sleep can cause severe migraine attacks for them, so I am aware of this. It's not just about being late - it's about what lack of sleep can do to them. But I didn't know or didn't anticipate that they'd wanted to go to sleep earlier.!!!!!!

My boyfriend (44m) was finally diagnosed with ADHD after decades of being in need of medication, and steadily declining mental health. A psychologist diagnosed him, but he can't prescribe the necessary stimulants.

A couple years ago, after he realized he was drinking way too much to cope daily, my bf got a prescription for medical marijuana in TX to help with his PTSD. He has been taking that steadily since then. It's the only thing that helps him feel relaxed, and he would take it every day after work, and on weekends.

The only other doctor he's seen in years (primary care) basically told him that if he prescribed a stimulant, he would require a drug test, and if there was any THC in the drug test, he was "legally required" to stop prescribing any stimulants.

1. That's a lie, and we're damned angry about it. It is entirely up to the doctor's discretion to drug test, and which drugs actually would be a problem. We don't want to go back to a dr that lies to us.

2. He's tried stopping the THC before, and only lasted a few days. The inability to ever feel relaxed is just suffering, plain and simple. Without it he's a constant panicky mess, forgets to eat, can't get comfortable just sitting down, and can't calm down, ever. He gets maybe 3 hours of sleep a night.

3. I'm sure eventually, once he's on the proper stimulant dose he needs, he'll feel much less need for the THC, if at all. But how is he supposed to stop before he gets the right prescription? Especially since he was taking so much daily that it might take months to leave his system?

My question to you all is: do you have or know of a psychiatrist / family care doctor who can prescribe stimulants who practices in Texas, that either won't drug test or will actually understand about ADHD sufferers and THC usage and won't hold it against him getting the right medication?

I'm watching him mentally and emotionally deteriorate every day since he stopped taking the THC. It's only been a little more than a week, and it's getting worse and worse. I'm worried he won't make it the four months he thinks he needs to get it out of his system completely.

Thanks for reading and thanks for caring. If you have a specific name for me, please send me a DM. I know our country's healthcare is a shit show, but I'm trying to do whatever I can for him.

You might not like it, or you don't want to hear it at all. But the thing is, for people with ADHD to do simple tasks, they need to mentally break down the process/task and do things 1 by 1.

I'm guessing that most of you know, some of you don't know and the rest of you know but don't implement this.

For ADHDers, Doing simple tasks like taking a shower, making a cup of coffee, cleaning your desk always seem very hard and require a lot of motivation. Or it has been perceived as such. Now, I'm not going further into explaining the brain chemistry behind it. But, what happens basically is, brain gets familiar with feeling overwhelmed to move the body for the things it deems as unnecessary. So it reduces our willpower, drive and desire to do and feel certain things. But it does all of these subconsciously. So we can't detect it in real time.

But we can perceive. As soon as we start to observe ourselves from a 3rd person perspective, as soon as we start to question our actions, our brain get exposed to us. We can see, feel, and know about our behavior that's been directed by the brain in real time.

All these time, there has been the messenger chat head circle floating in a corner of my phone screen. Now, if I had been the person I was 1 month ago, then I'd get easily swayed by the chat-head and would forget about writing the post.

So, what to do in these kind of situation? Not only we need to perceive ourselves as an outsider, we need to constantly question ourselves about our aim, purpose and priority.

So, no matter what spicy conversation people are having inside my messenger app and I get to see the number of messages increasing through the floating chat-head, I have been questioning myself from the moment I started writing the post. Such as:

1. [ My name ], is messenger that important to you right now?
2. [ My name ], Are you going to fall into the same rabbithole again?
3. [ My name ], is this how you decided to make a change?
4. Don't you wanna help people who have the same problem as yours?

-- Upper discussion was the first phase. Now the second.

So, in order to literally complete the tasks that seem difficult for us to do, we need to mentally break it down to multiple points/methods.

Meaning, we need to have our inner monologue explaining all the consecutive methods to finally complete the task. Another questioning session. But this time, questions come with actions.

For example, let's assume that you're reading this post laying down in your bed and you're thinking of making a coffee. So, instead of thinking, "I need to make a coffee", Ask yourself, "What do I need to do to make a cup of coffee?"

Then break down the process. Mentally.

Think to yourself, "First, I need to put the phone away." Immediately put the phone aside your bed or on your bedside table.

Then again, Think to yourself, "Then I need to get up from the bed and start walking towards the kitchen." Immediately get up from the bed and start walking.

And the methods go forward. Try to break down a task as detailed as possible. And perform each action after you've thought it.

Ultimately, you need to make your inner monologue a weapon for yourself against your lazy brain, not for it to become a weapon for your brain against yourself.

When you face minor distractions along the way while completing a task in this method, acknowledge the distraction, observe it, analyze it's destructive effects over your life by using your inner monologue, questioning session.

I had to get up from my chair to shoo off a cat 7 paragraphs ago, but I didn't ignore the act as a distraction. I kept questioning myself similar to what I wrote in the 1st phrase. Turned out, I didn't lose much drive and desire required to write this long post.

Most of you know this method. Some you don't know and the rest know but don't implement. That's my personal observation here.

Pardon my cluttered and complex long sentences as English is not my native language.

I'd like to know about your opinions, advices and experiences on this matter if you're happy to share. Peace 🤝

Does anyone use poison pill rings to keep their meds in them?

@adhd

If you do, what are some potential issues I might have with keeping my #adhd #meds in a locket ring? How can I tell if a ring's secret compartment will be big enough? (For context, I use Amoxetine (generic Strattera), which is only available as a caplet)

a nightmarish scenario came to reality for me yesterday!

so - a month ago, my brother got me an interview for a place that I was really looking forward to starting with. as soon as I got the call for the interview, I mentally noted the date - "28th! let's do this! I'll be so prepared!" I spent some time getting some basic notes ready, then went off to easter break to see family before refining my notes and preparation in earnest.

except, it wasn't on the 28th. it was on the 22nd. which I didn't find out until the morning of, 15 minutes before it was happening, thanks to my brother messaging me wishing me luck. I called them to apologise and begged them to schedule me in later - they gave me 30 more minutes. I cried the whole way getting there, then bombed the interview. I got my rejection pretty swiftly, and I'm so devastated.

how the hell does this happen?? this isn't even the first time I've conjured fantastical dates for appointments and events! I even had my confirmation email to reference, which I just immediately decided was still set for the date that I believed it was. I've always felt upset at how disorganised and absent-minded I am, and it's hard to not see this as a massive character failing. how can I hope to bounce back from something like this? things like this really make me feel like incapable of operating like a normal human being.

I just wanted to brag about this app with colors and objectives! I can get distracted, and still remember to keep cleaning. When I see a room is in red, that means back to cleaning xD

I'm not in anyway affiliated with the app and just wanted to give them some free add time. The app is called Sweepy and it cost me €17 a year. For the help I'm getting from it, it's worth it.

I hope this helps my ADHD homies out. If anyone has other apps they use through the day, please share!

Not sure how much of a thing this is but I like to have shows playing softly while I sleep, what are your shows you like to help you sleep?

Screen off of course

Cross posted to some other Lemmy AuDHD related subs.

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/60653809

me_irl

Learn to ride the waves. We have a different rhythm of existence. You can't fight the cycle, but you can learn to work with it.

Some people are marathon runners, but we are sprinters. The trick is to break down marathons into many sprints, and take breaks by switching your marathons.

Just pick half a dozen things your meta-self wants to work on and stick with it. Instead of a bit of everything, we do a lot of everything, but one thing at a time.

Hey all,

not sure if this is an ADHD thing, but it feels like it is. So, I'm a mid/senior level engineer who's been coding professionally for a while now. Before LLMs dropped, I used to get a legit dopamine kick from fixing even the tiniest bugs and getting things to compile. Tedious debugging and diving into docs? Bring it on! It was all part of the fun.

But ever since LLMs came along, that spark has kinda vanished. I feel like my skills are fading by the day. It's like I can't bring myself to code manually or look things up anymore. I know exactly what to ask LLMs and how to fix issues, but the thought of doing it all manually? No thanks.

Now, the only time I get that dopamine hit is when I can implement entire features that should take days in just a few prompts. Anything less feels like a waste of time. I hate feeling so dependent on it, especially since I know the code it spits out isn't always top-notch. I know how to fix it, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Especially tools like Cursor with its agentic coding make it even harder for me to leave prompts behind.

Coding used to be my passion, and now it feels like LLMs has messed with that while boosting my output. Anyone else feeling this way? Any thoughts or advice?

A good friend of mine is falling down the Xitter to Red Hat pipeline and it has me thinking about how to get better at remembering sources of information or, hell, just remember certain topics long enough to research them thoroughly enough to be able to speak at least somewhat eloquently about the topic.

Fairly confident the friend is going to follow the path he's going to follow, so I'm not looking for advice on that.

I'm 35, with diagnosed ADHD and brain scarring. My memory feels so fried and it's almost Impossible to finish a task. Where I live it's almost Impossible to get actual medication for something. Doc always gives herbal treatments and it helps nothing.

Is there a way to help myself without meds?

cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/19161653

Rule

Literally have no idea what I think about them other than that it seems like a hopeless exercise. Its kinda worrying, like the meds can make you hyperfocus on things and make you paranoid but who knows, they could be right?

Altho it is a great bandwagon for the name brand dominating med companies to jump on, very easy to turn people away from generic meds that must have some baseline of quality assurance and clinical efficacy?

Uggh, just don't know. Wish everyone could take the brand name cheaply like its easily possible to in many places outside the US. Dex cost me like 1.50 a pill before insurance and like less than 30 after total. Its almost 1500 in the states. Insane

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/27480773

Found a rule while deleting my reddit comments

quote the image:

"I've gathered my materials

"and planned every last detail.

"I have set time aside. So now all I need is...

"to start an entirely different project!"

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/40823048

Hello everyone! I posted about a month or so ago about a new website for us. I decided to add an old school BB forum since Reddit has become unusable due to censorship. We have Lemmy, and it’s awesome! We simply need an exclusive area for us that are ND.

It’s ready for use while I tweak things. I’m also still working on the main website thedigitalaspie.com

I’m also still looking for writers/contributors and now moderators for the forum.

There is a dedicated board on the forum for suggestions and requests also.

Undiagnosed here, seeking some inspiration and will to not lose hope.

Had anyone successfully gotten in tune with your ever changing hyper fixations?

• If so, how long do your fixation periods last?
• Do you have a structure or benchmark after which you can effectively "close that chapter"?
• What strategies do you have to nudge yourself towards topics which will be meaningful in the long run?

I tend to go from rabbit hole to rabbit hole but it never feels like I'm in control. These fixations never produce any meaningful outcomes and always have a cost which I pay for by neglecting other aspects of my life.

It is a superpower and a weakness as you all probably know. It's great for expanding your interests and appreciating life through different perspectives. I don't want to lose it and want to get into some harmony with it. Anyone had any success?

Thank you :)

Hi, my son (7 years) is diagnosed ADHD without hyperactivity. From my point of view the symptoms are mild (maybe because for me its "normal"). My wife and I now have to decide wether we want to treat his symptoms with methylphenidat. My question: Can someone with medium strength adhd who gets medicated in his/her childhood write their experience in retrospective?

Thanks for reading, sorry for my English.

I've struggled a lot with trying to take drug holidays. When I do them, I end up lying in bed all day and become depressed and/or extremely tired.

What are things that you do to make it easier?

For those that don't know: A 'drug holiday' is essentially a day that you don't take your ADHD medication so that your body has time to decrease tolerance and make the medication more effective.