this post was submitted on 11 Nov 2024
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I'm starting to think that my life is over and I don't want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can't find a job.

When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C's and B's and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn't he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.

I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I'm addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don't see my life going anywhere and when I'm not on drugs I'm miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can't do this anymore.

EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It's not glamorous but it's some money.

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[โ€“] jsomae@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Crack your knuckles, solve your problems your own way, stop comparing yourself to other people, ditch the drugs, and turn your life around. You're the main character; this has been episode 1, now let's do episode 2.

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You write very well, and communicate coherently. I don't get a "low intelligence" vibe from the structure of your post. Although the negative focus suggests an unhealthy fixation.

It sounds like you might have good emotional intelligence. I think you can find something you're good at, develop that natural talent into a strong skill, and just give yourself to that.

Also remember that negative thinking creates bad outcomes. I know it's not your fault, and your negative thinking comes from negative experiences, but you're clearly demonstrating a kind of intelligence in how you communicate.

Short answer: yes, there's hope for you. You're so young. You have time to find what you're good at and give yourself to that.

[โ€“] naeap@sopuli.xyz 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Are you sure about the IQ?

You're writing very well structured and without errors - at least none that really stick out of or I've seen

Sure you're not just putting yourself down too much?

And anyway, everyone has the tools we've got.
Make the best of it. That's all one can do anyway.

Do what interests you. Do what brings you joy - and do something that brings some income that you can live off.

Don't overthink the IQ part. Many high intelligence people are having major issues in their life. IQ isn't everything and really working for what you want, can cancel out many handicaps

And I still don't believe, that you have such a low IQ.
IQ tests often overvalue performance in time.
If you're insecure already, you'll have second thoughts about your answers, lose time and get a lower score.

Edit: and to add to that, a good friend of mine always had A's in every class in highschool, but scored really bad in IQ tests, because he wanted to do them perfect. While I just went through them as fast as possible. He was like 86 points. But he went on to study theoretical physics.

Work at amazon they hire anyone over 18 regardless of diplomas/degrees etc (at this time they're hiring a lot and quickly! only go to hiring.amazon.com) If you get converted to regular permanent associate they pay your College Tuition and there's more too

Delivery station is the easiest and as someone with lower cognitive ability (ptsd sucks that bad y'all) I can work there easily and it's not overwhelming

[โ€“] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 4 days ago
  1. Get sober
  2. Figured out what you want to do in life.

Don't think about jobs specifically. What do you want your life to look like? Traveling? Learning new things? Meeting a lot of people? Content solitude?

Once you figure out your ideal life, work backwards to form a plan. The pieces will fall into place and congrats, you now have a roadmap to your ideal. Make it happen.

When I was younger than you are now I was homeless. I remember one night I was hiding from the monsoon in an underpass, nursing broken ribs courtesy of some teenagers who decided to fuck with me a few days before. I knew this wasn't the life I wanted. I knew I wanted my own safe place to live with a fridge full of food and hot running water. I stayed up all night and crunched the numbers - how much I would need to make, where I should live, what job and degree I'd need. It took 10 years but I followed the plan to a T and it worked out exactly as intended. It feels like a lifetime ago now.

23 is far from being too late. I know folks twice your age who have turned it around. The important thing is to start now and don't stop until you've arrived at your destination. It is possible, you just need to take the right steps.

Much love friend. If you need help with the planning stages, send me a message.

[โ€“] Max_P@lemmy.max-p.me 5 points 4 days ago

I wouldn't exclude lower IQ as that major of a problem. Sure maybe it kind of excludes you from being an engineer or a lawyer or a doctor and these kinds of jobs. But there's plenty of low education jobs around, and there's no shame in that. If everyone was engineers and lawyers we'd have major problems keeping shops and fastfood open. My dad didn't finish school and raised me no problem, and lives fine. He might not be good at math or writing, but it's plenty for woodworking and being a handyman.

As others have already pointed out, you're articulate and sound smarter than a bunch of people I've seen on Lemmy. I mean hell, you found your way into Lemmy, a platform that's still fairly niche and filled with nerds. You could have gone to Reddit but you came to the fediverse.

Everyone have their strengths and things they're good at. Finding what you like to do is a good start. Some people inherently take artistic paths, and art has nothing to do with intelligence. What you need to do is figure out what you like to do that's pleasant and satisfying for you to do, and get out of your head that you have to go to higher education.

Also worth noting, you mentioned ADHD. If you're not diagnosed for it or treated for it, in itself that can significantly lower your IQ scores especially if not accounting for that. When I had my ADHD assessment, they spent time measuring exactly how much my cognitive performance declines under conditions harsh for ADHD. I swear I struggled to figure out how to take the bus after that because I was so fried, was very glad I was too lazy to take the car that day. They noted, initially being well rested I performed really well then my performance tanked the moment they started hammering the ADHD. It's also important to understand IQ measures only one thing: intelligence. It doesn't measure empathy, communication, art, or anything else. That might limit you for intellectual jobs, but you can still be great a people jobs. You could be HR, you could be sales, you could be support. Some of the best artists I know failed school hard.

Stop being jealous and ashamed. Those that shame you can go to hell, all they do is make you think you're worthless and inferior to them. Find your own path.

[โ€“] Hexadecimalkink@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I think part of your problem is you're comparing yourself to others that are different to you. It's like thinking you're lesser because you're not a tall basketball player, when you're not meant to be a basketball player. IMO if you can hold a steady job to pay yhe bills that's probably the first thing. Then a good way to get off the drugs is to focus on exercise and eating healthy. If you can keep that up for a year theoretically you should feel a lot better about yourself. Maybe get into reading books as well. Even the most trashy of books.

[โ€“] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

How can I control my own thoughts? I can't choose what I think. The truth is that my brothers and sisters are just more accomplished then me. There all in university or graduated. They've all got there $hit together. Why me? Why can't I be like that? I hate to think what they think of me. Don't get me wrong I love my brothers and sisters but I don't like talking or seeing them because it fills me with such shame. They all look down on me and makes me so mad and sad at the same time. I just don't understand why I didn't turn out like them.

I'm not good at reading books. I've tried in the past but I can't. They always take forever to read. The words go everywhere and they get so boring.

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[โ€“] ShiverMeTimbers@lemm.ee 2 points 3 days ago

There is plenty of hope, you just got mixed up with the wrong people under the wrong circumstances. The right society will only judge you for your character.

I have a 15+ year resume in my field and I struggled to find a job this year. It's not because of you that finding a job is hard. It's that job sites are like dating sites: the majority of posts are fake. You should decide on what kind of job you want and approach recruiters in that field - even with, maybe especially with, your requirements, they'll be able to help you better than clicking auto-apply on LinkedIn.

[โ€“] SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 4 points 4 days ago

You do seem talented at expressing yourself in writing. Something there worth exploring?

[โ€“] vfreire85@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 days ago

first of all, there are people that relate to you, and cherish you and love you. i was quite happy to see that most people here were supportive of you and overcoming this bad moment on your life (because that's what it is, a moment. it won't last forever). you have value in yourself and there's no greater justification in living than knowing that you deserve to live and be who you are simply because you exist, and you are, period. you yourself amount to many important things and if people don't value you for who you are, screw them, who weren't able to cherish that beautiful complexity on yourself.

that being said, you need help. and the first thing to tackle is, like others have said, overcoming your addiction. there are several ways of getting help on this: many community centers, even in the united states, keep narcotics anonymous groups on their premises. serious groups will have a way with providing you with medical assistance, which will be needed;

  • if, and only if, you are comfortable with going to a place of worship, they often receive meetings of n.a. groups, and serious priests, pastors, rabbis, imams, nuns and monks can give you some direction on where to find help without asking anything in exchange. stay away from sects such as scientology;
  • from there, you can get the psychological and psychiatric help that you need to better cope with the adhd, being able to live with it and improve your learning and social skills;
  • social services can help you find a job, qualification and help you if there's any trouble;
  • take advantage of everything that's free in order to better yourself, such as courses and books that are available at your local libraries;
  • and most importantly, a day at a time. you will find some difficulties, especially with divesting your old ways, but stand for yourself first and foremostly. some days will be harder than others. learn to forgive yourself and others for things that did not went right, but you don't have to accept anyone back into your life if they didn't changed their ways that have hurt you so much. here and there you will take falls, but find the strength to start over, and over, and over. you're not perfect, but that's ok! who is, anyway?
[โ€“] geoma@lemmy.ml 2 points 4 days ago

Don't focus on your IQ. I mean that could be a handicap for yoy but we all have handicaps here or there. IQ is seen as so important but it is just one thing in a multitude of factors. Do you like any kind of art? Music? Nature? How are your emotions? Sports? I bet you have something where you thrive and feel inspired. Explore that. Practice that. Focus on developing your skills in that. If you really try, tomorrow you will be able to teach people about this that you love and do so beautifully. Life is oh so complex. Multiple paths. Also! Keep an eye on emotions, trauma and your psychological health. Try to find any kind of psychological help you can afford. You know drugs are not good but they are trying to fill a hole. Find that hole and fill it with consciousness, love for yourself and something you like to do.

This process could take many years. But start walking towards healing and thriving. Maybe it will take much shorter that you think.

Good luck. If you have a sense of spirituality, that could also help you a lot.

[โ€“] DieserTypMatthias@lemmy.ml -1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Download Tinder and find someone.

[โ€“] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 days ago

I've already get my eyes on someone, no thanks

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