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Absolutely fucking shit.

Sorry. I thought things would be different. Sorely disappointed is an understatement.

I voted early. My partner voted today. Took 2 hours. We both have anxiety because of the 2016 result. All the polls were looking good, then we woke up in what felt like the wrong reality.

It’s all everyone is talking about. At work, in my apartment building. Even the sports bar down the block had election coverage on. It’s unavoidable and inescapable. I’m watching a movie to distract myself. Then I’ll turn on the news once the polls start to close.

I was an election judge in 2020. I’m kind of feeling guilty for not doing it this year. But I don’t have the capacity. I’ve been feeling straight up burnt out for most of the year with no end in sight. I’m actually thinking about calling the employer EAP.

I always celebrate all the wins in life , no matter how small. October and so far November have not had any of these. I really hope I wake up with good news.

About to get a lot worse!

I know this is selfish and stupid but everyone is so wound up about the election that I didn't really get a birthday this year. Half my family didn't even text me.

A friend still wanted to do a birthday dinner so I texted my sibling asking if they were free, but they somehow missed that it was about my birthday plans and they were having a breakdown (not about the election) so we had to cancel birthday plans to keep them company. I shouldn't complain because I love my sibling, but whenever I told my family about mental health stuff, they always just yelled at me and made it worse. I don't understand why they suddenly believe in depression and think depressed people deserve support.

Also like I said, I know it's selfish and stupid, but I just wanted a day to pretend things were normal before I start scraping money together for my passport and getting my tubes tied.

Time to sleep, hopefully when I wake up the USA isn't at civil war 🤞

got my early vote in on friday, since i suspected the lines were going to be long today.

today is my birthday. 🥳

sheepdog festival last weekend was great. echo got to hang out and get a billion pets from all kinds of people, which is her favorite thing! she also had her first hotel stay, which went really well. she only barked three times (at the shower).

last night, our first rally submission was recorded, which i sent in today for judging. pretty sure we'll get a passing score, easy peasy. i want to look into some more virtual titles we can do, since i get ring stress pretty bad. 😅

Sad, disappointed, and worried.

Absolutely horrible. Keeps getting worse. But hey some good news, at least I won't be alive when the US of A finally fucking implodes on itself due to recent events. 🤬 Bigots and fascists; and this is what I served for, to 'protect'?? Fuck ya'll.

...Awful?

It's so fitting and poetic that, just when I finally start getting my life in order, the world throws itself off a cliff.

Terrified I'll never get to vote again. Terrified it's all going to get worse. Terrified for my unborn child.

Depressed since Epstein's Orange friend won. It is a dark day for humanity. As I said in the 5th of november thread I am here to talk you do not need to suffer alone. <3

I'm curious if this is the last resemblance of democracy the United States will see.

I'm worried for the people stuck in red states, and worried this is going to spread outside America again like it did in 2016. I feel like I must live in a very different world compared to rural americans. I can't imagine how a fascist authoritarian would be the logical choice ever.

Slept <5h each day since last Wednesday.

Fucking tired. Sleep hygiene rules don't help.

Will probably try sleep meds today.

I gotta say, this was a weird week to start HRT.

Dropped off my absentee ballot earlier today.

Update on Linus (our kitty who experienced kidney failure last week): Last I posted we were waiting to find out how much his numbers had gone up. It turns out his creatine went up quite a bit. It was over 3, when normally it should be 1.5 or lower. The vet said at this point it's possible it could go back down (he didn't seem optimistic about this), stay the same, or go up more. We're taking him in again on Thursday to see what it is then. If it stays the same, we probably only have about two or three years left with him if we keep him on a renal diet.

He has a lot of his personality back and has his full appetite back (yesterday was the first time he ate his usual amount of food since he's been hospitalized), but his energy level is definitely lower than it was before.

not great

but about to play some gameboy so that’s good

Despite almost two months of not gaining weight despite feeding on demand, our daughter is finally up to the 41st percentile for weight gain by age and is hitting her developmental milestones. Trying to focus on those positives instead of all the negative emotions I'm harboring right now. Trying to remember that she's a tiny little vibe-o-meter and that my primary focus has to be her well-being in spite of everything else that's going on.

I want to post my thoughts, but at this point, I feel like the country has gone so far off the rails that I need to keep an eye on my op-sec. Suffice it to say that I'm devastated, exhausted, but filled with a new resolve. This post (a bit of a long read) has been helping me refocus and move forward: https://wagingnonviolence.org/2024/11/10-things-to-do-if-trump-wins/

I am autistic and in my country I've been told before by my case worker that I qualify for MAID. This cruel world just isn't meant for people like me, and I am now starting the application process for MAID.

Good so far. My wife and are currently in Miami waiting for our connecting flight to Jamaica. We have been looking forward to this for months. Getting everything ready was stressful but we are very excited. This will be my first time leaving the US.

I took a photo of my blahaj after her snuggle affirming surgery. I wish I could share it but my app, Sync, doesn't want to upload it. EDIT: I tried with a second client and still couldn't upload the image.