this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2024
8 points (78.6% liked)
Asklemmy
43940 readers
502 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
There's no one answer fits all.
On life? Never. On your goals? Depends. On self-destructive behaviour? Now. On those you love? Never. On business ventures that don't take off? You tell me.
Point is: life is rarely black & white. Treat it with the color and nuance that makes it what it is.
Why never on life, just asking. If it was completely ruined from the start, why not give up? If you spill ink over a painting, it's ruined and you toss it out.
The japanese philosophy of Kintsugi may help you look at things differently. Impurities are what make us all unique. Nothing in nature is perfect.
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20210107-kintsugi-japans-ancient-art-of-embracing-imperfection
Sure, life can be incredibly tough, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed at times. However, unlike a painting, life isn't a static object. It has ups and downs, and even when things seem completely ruined, there's always potential for change, growth and even thriving. I actually have a little experience with that.
Staying with your analogy: if you spill ink on a painting, you might see it as ruined at first. But some artists use those accidents to create something new and beautiful. Like so, life can take unexpected turns, and what seems like a disaster now might lead to new opportunities. I am the person I am partly due to troubles and disasters in my life. Could I do without those? Sure. Should I? Not sure.
That all said, if you're feeling like ending it all I can only encourage you to reach out for support. Talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional in your area can make a big difference.
Your life is valuable. You are important and valuable.
You're not alone. Definitely not with life. There are people who care about you and want to help.
It's practically impossible to fix a painting covered in ink. It's never too late for a life to change.
No one has ever fixed their lives after 20. It only gets worse if you're not rich as a teenager or popular online before then. Everything after 20 is just drug addiction and fighting. And even if someone manages to fix their lives later, it's always in old age where it wouldn't have mattered. Yeah... all that work and uphill grinding for one week of freedom, sooooo worth it.
That’s just not true. I was an unemployed drop out fire a while in my early 20s and got married and bought a house at 30.
My brother was a single father with a useless degree working part time at a pizza chain at 20. Through most of his 20’s he worked for a temp agency making minimum wage. Around 30 he found a job in a machine shop and they paid for his apprenticeship and now he’s their top employee. He’s in his late 30s now and is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
Another brother I have failed a bunch of high school classes, barely graduated, then turned a crappy construction job into becoming a union carpenter in his 20s. He owns a house, got back together his high school girlfriend. They have 3 kids and are a very happy family now.
As someone who definitely fixed their life after 20, broke it again, fixed it again, and then broke it again again, and is in the process of fixing it, this is an inaccurate statement.
Life isn’t a clean story with a straightforward plot. It is twirling through space while trying to hoist yourself towards more desirable outcomes as much as you can. No matter how good you get at that, you will never be flying a jet—you are just a master tumbler.
Keep trying, keep learning, and see how things evolve.
There's a lot of "all or nothing" thinking here. Have you tried talking this out with a therapist you trust at all?
Wishing you the best, friend, from someone who's actively fixing their life before I turn 45. It'll take time to get there. I'm totally enjoying the reduced stress, anxiety and depression as I work on it.
As someone just getting started with their twenties, I don't believe it's already over for me. And because I refuse to believe it, I continue to fight, one day at a time, until I eventually disprove the claim "it's over after 20."
I was absolutely miserable during my teen years, never fit in with my peers since i wasn't too keen on drinking (yes, i am from europe, drinking at 16 is the norm), along with my quarrel with my gender and sexuality (i didn't fully realise until quite recently, still ongoing)
And in the last few years, it has been slowly going up. Of course there were setbacks, failures, hurdles with no end. But dsspite that, I kept going, mostly because of momentum. And now I am considerably better than even just 2 years ago.
It gets better. You just have to be around to see it for yourself.
What are you talking about?! The number of people who have never even conceive of drug addiction, let alone suffering it, is staggering.
I think no one has their life together at their twenties. At your thirties things start to calm down, and gives you the oppertunity to organise your life. Only then you know who you are and what you want from life, and then you can change up your life for it to be what you want it to be.
Everyone else does between 15 and 19, they have their own houses and cars they bought with their jobs, yet I'm almost 30 and I have nothing. Everyone else is getting married at 23. At 30 I'll still be trying to move out just like I will be at 50, and 80, and after retiring I'll still be trying to move out by gambling or grinding online stuff until I die in the house I'll stuck in. Might as well cut my losses.
No they don't. It just looks like it. At 30 the things they found important at 18 aren't important anymore. Priorities shift.
I literally know no-one that was married at 23.
Just like a lot of people of this generation. They are fucked by housing prices.
So you're not alone in this. I think most people are in a similar situation. Try to find people that can support and help you. Just don't give up, you never know what happens tomorrow.