this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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Anything that makes you apply your hand to your face.
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Saw a girl post a video talking about "Men aren't persistent anymore. My father asked out my mother and she said no, she was a waitress and he kept asking until she agreed to go out with him. My uncle did the same thing with my aunt, she was a cruise director and he was in the band on the ship, and he kept on asking what will it take for you to go out with me?"
Miss, your father and uncle grew up in a time when you could pay your college tuition working at Steak & Shake, get a white collar breadwinning job by looking the manager in the eye and giving him a firm handshake, buy a house for $20,000 and ask out a coworker without being fired. Here in 2024 saying "Hey do you want to go out for coffee sometime" is a career ending move. Asking out a waitress is how you signal the manager to ask you to leave the bar or restaurant. Compared to the 80's or 90's women in the United States handle being asked out very badly. "The worst she can say is no" is very much no longer the case. So if he even bothers to shoot his shot at all anymore "persistence" isn't even in his head.
That's simply not true. Not unless you're asking it persistently, to the point where people find it annoying.
And I think that's the hitch people get caught on. They don't realize when they're being annoying, so they're either too brash or too shy.
Yeah everyone has their own limit before it becomes a problem. There are some women out there who are taking to Tiktok asking "why don't men approach me at work anymore?" She's outright open to it. There are women out there who will overlook an unwanted advance or two if it isn't a recurring problem. And there are some women out there whose limit is "any attention at all whatsoever. Catcalling should be a felony #metoo." There are men who report being disciplined or fired for so much as saying "I like that outfit." How many mines do you have to plant in a field before you start calling it a minefield?
In any case it certainly makes "being persistent" sound like a very bad strategy, doesn't it? I think we can label that strategy well and truly dead.
I work in this area, and in my experience, there is way more going on than just a compliment about an outfit whenever someone is getting disciplined. Employees who claim that usually have no ability to self-reflect about the extent or appropriateness of their behaviour.