this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2024
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Would You Rather
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Welcome to c/WouldYouRather, where we present you with the toughest, most ridiculous choices you never knew you had to make! Would you rather have a third arm that's only useful for picking your nose, or be able to talk to animals but only if they're wearing hats? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. Come for the absurdity, stay because you've clearly got nothing better to do with your life.
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It depends, and I have a lot of questions. Without good answers, I’d take 3 Million USD, assuming it’s above board.
Can I only speak them, or can I understand them, too?
Are dead languages included? Can I read Linear A, for example?
What about if someone has really bad handwriting - can I understand what they were going for? Likewise, what if part of the text is missing?
Are the various body languages of different cultures and subcultures included? What about individual people with unconscious tells - would those become apparent to me, such that I could easily tell if someone were bluffing or lying?
Is jargon included? What about codes, like “10-4?” What about ciphers? Slang, subtext, euphemisms?
Could I also understand and speak to animals?
What enables me to speak and understand a language / to know that I have that capability for a given language? Do I need to know the language exists, do I need to hear/read it, be in a place where it’s relevant (i.e., if I’m trying to talk to someone who isn’t speaking, and they know Snokenili, which I’ve never before encountered, I might suddenly have knowledge of it pop into my head), or do I just get every language immediately?
Are fantasy languages, like Klingon and Sindarin (one of Tolkien’s elvish languages) included? If so, are they only included if they meet a certain threshold (i.e., at least one person being able to speak them) or can I speak them and understand them as soon as someone thinks about them?
If extraterrestrial aliens are real, would I be able to speak and understand their languages?
If I can only speak languages that exist and don’t need it to be triggered by someone who can speak that language, it might be feasible to confirm the existence of aliens simply by being able to speak a language that couldn’t have come from Earth, and that would be pretty cool. I’d take that over $3MM.