Best Updates

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/DaddyDorr94 in r/relationship_advice

Possibly ongoing, more updates to follow.

My (M28) Wife (F26) has scammed multiple people, and lied to me about it. - 7th August 2023

So about a week ago, I got this Facebook message from some lady saying that my wife scammed her out of some money shipping baby clothes. I went to my wife about it before talking to the lady, and my wife said "I've never seen this lady in my life, she's just trying to get you to send her $30." She then went on to block the lady, and that was that. Well this morning I got a message request from a different lady saying how my wife scammed her out of $120, and sent me screenshots of her and my wife's conversation and transactions. I unblocked the other lady, and she also sent me conversations and transactions. And apparently THERE ARE OTHERS. So I now have 3 ladies in my DMs with proof that my wife scammed them out of money, lied to them about having a miscarriage, and saying she was on bed rest and couldn't. (She's at work as a bartender rn, she's not on no damn bed rest)

The thing that irks me the most is how quick she was to lie to me and block the lady. It didn't feel right, but I thought oh well, she wouldn't lie about something like this. Now I'm just sitting here wondering how much more she's lied about, and don't feel like I can even trust her.

My wife doesn't know I have all of this information, any idea of what I should do next?

Comment

Her reaction is a bit sus. She just said “I’ve never seen her before. She’s trying to get money from you”? I’d be all WTF? Who is this? Why do they think that??? Give me their details so I can clear this up.

I’d put a hold on my credit and check all my accounts TBH. If it turns out she’s really doing this I’d find and attorney divorce. If these people are genuine victims and they found you they can find your friends, family and employer.

OOP

Her reaction was what drove me to believe these people. Took my phone and blocked this lady and denied denied denied. Buuut from the messages this lady had with my wife, I fully believe my wife scammed her. And on top she LIED to them. Said I shipped their packages, lied and said she had a miscarriage and had to be bed ridden, and basically just tried to play the victim the entire time when she had no intentions of giving this lady her stuff. (Even “sold” her some clothing she already gave to somebody else)

​It wasn’t that odd to me either, but how quick she was to block the lady is what I found a bit suspicious, buuut I didn’t do anything bc I believed her. Apparently the OG lady made a post on some moms group fb page and that’s how they all found me. PLUS like a week ago, my wife just randomly deleted her Facebook account. And it lines up exactly for when the OG lady threatened to make a public post about my wife

They paid her on a PayPal, that isn’t her actual PayPal, she’s at work rn, but I’m going to try to do some digging into that later, buuut basically that whole Facebook group has my wife on a “no sell list” bc this isn’t the first time this has happened apparently. (The OG lady who contacted me invited me and showed me the public post she made shaming my wife for what she did)

​Comment

Talk to her about why she's doing it and what else she's lied about, she should be worried about the police too

OOP

I don’t think she’ll be honest at this point. I got invited to the fb group my wife sold this stuff in, and they have a whole like 3 posts talking about how she’s on a ban list, and she’s cheated people out of money etc.

​Comment

If someone told my husband I was scamming them, I would be out of my mind! I would certainly want to get to the bottom of it!!! I would turn into Sherlock Holmes, figure out what happened, make public posts about a scammer stealing my identity, and figure a way to put an end to all of it. Seems a little odd, the way your wife brushed it off and just blocked them on your phone. Wouldn't you want to clear your name if that happened to you? So I agree it seems a little suspicious how she is behaving, I donno though.

OOP

I fully believed her at first! She’s given me 0 reason to not. Buuut through further investigation I completely believe it. There’s a whole moms group on fb that swaps baby clothes and they have her on a no sell list bc she’s done this sort of thing before apparently. Makes me really question what else she’s lied about

I was worried about that too! Which is why I didn’t go to my wife first. But after investigating most of the day, I believe my wife absolutely was the bad person here. They have her banned on this moms group bc she’s done this before apparently

​Comment

liars lie. this wont stop at facebook scamming, and it is only a matter of time before it hurts you much more directly.

OOP

That’s what I’m worried about. I work out of state too, so she would have plenty of opportunity to “lie” to me and I’d never know

Update 9th August 2023

I confronted my wife with all of the evidence that’s she 1000% did this including the money trail, and had my phone recording everything and a hidden security camera going to watch it all, and she still denied it all. And then told me I was a “joke of a husband” for not believing her in this whole ordeal. And she continued to berate me for about 45 minutes, and say just awful things. Anytime I would bring up a point she would just dismiss it and continue to gas light me. So I’m taking my 2 year old daughter, and going to my buddy’s house for the rest of the week.

Comment

I am so sorry this happened to you. Honestly, I am in these Facebook groups and see women scamming all the time.. it's sad that it is affecting you. I hope for the best outcome for you and your family, whatever that may be.

I hate those type of people, they are horrid. Many are getting sued and partners are suffering for it. Even though your wife is the one doing it, they can come after you too or you may be stuck with the financial burden of her losing small claims cases. What she's doing is sick. I'm so ssorr

Reminder - I am not OOP

Source

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_overweight in r/relationship_advice

trigger warning:

mood spoiler:

I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (30F) because of her weight - 7 June 2021

Alright before I get called an asshole let me explain. I love my wife, I think she’s incredibly beautiful and even more so after she gave birth to our son 3 years ago.

The problem is that she put on a good amount of baby weight (Obviously) and never lost it. She instead started to gain more weight and was overall pretty depressed. I initially assumed it was PPD and suggested she go to therapy for it. She went to therapy and got some anti-depressants, it took her a while find the right ones, and she’s been fine mentally since she found them.

Physically is a different story however. She has continued over the past 3 years to gain weight. The problem isn’t anymore that i’m not attracted to her, But she will die if she continues to gain weight. She is currently 5’2 about 260 pounds with a BMI close to 50

I don’t know what I can do, I feel like i’ve tried everything. I’ve asked her to go to the gym with me, go on a diet with me, Not buy fast food, have some active hobbies. She’s turned down every single one of these ideas.

I feel like I don’t have any choice but to give her an ultimatum. Either she genuinely tries to lose the weight or I leave. I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself . I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice. I guess I just wanted to ask if i’m being an asshole or if theres any other way I could go about this.

Edit:

For everyone in the comments telling me you can be overweight and healthy, your right. But No, you can not be Obese and healthy, at least not long term. Heart disease runs in my wife’s family and while your weight might not effect you, being overweight is directly linked to heart disease. I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together, It’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.

Update: I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (31F) because of her weight - 27 October 2021

So I made a post about 5 months ago because I was getting pass the point of no return with my wife’s weight. Now Expectedly I got called an asshole and a dickhead and every other name under the book for evening mentioning it. But I also got some real good feedback and decided before I made any real decision I would sit her down and let her know how I was truly feeling. Because at that point we had, had multiple conversations addressing it but none of them lead anywhere.

So after we put my son to sleep I asked my wife If we could talk for a moment in the kitchen. Now i’m not gonna lie the conversation was probably the hardest one i’ve ever had. Because despite what everyone believed I do love my wife. Now I don’t want to get into every detail but the basis of the conversation was that I needed her to at least try and be healthier. I also think she needed to hear how serious I was about this and when I told her I was even thinking about separating I think it really put the nail in the coffin.

It’s been about 5 months since then and i’m proud to say my wife has lost 35 fucking lbs. I am so proud of her it’s fucking ridiculous. The first month was a fucking hurdle and a half but now she’s going steady and losing weight at a healthy moderate rate. Recently she even started to exercise with me. In the morning I usually jog, but since her knees are somewhat shot 3 days a week we go walk a mile or two, together and either talk or just listen to music together. I know it sounds corny to say but she even seems happier and her confidence is coming back as well.

Well this was my little update and I wanted to finish it with thanking anyone who actually gave me advice on my first post.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaydoc9817 in r/TrueOffMyChest

—

I am leaving my wife tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier posted 1 day ago

I (45m) and my wife (44f) have been married for 10 years. We dated for 6 years before that and I got a lot of pressure to get married from my parents, her parents, her… something in my gut said that this wasn’t right. I called it cold feet and did my best to ignore it. We got married.

Pretty much the moment the ink was dry on our marriage license, things went south. On our honeymoon, she did nothing but complain I hadn’t booked a nicer hotel. In the following months she wanted a new apartment, a new car, gifts, jewelry, handbags. It was never enough. It’s like the moment she got the ring, it stopped being about me and became about what I could give her. I am a doctor. I make good money. Not good enough to support the kind of lifestyle she wants though.

We don’t have sex anymore. We don’t laugh. We don’t talk about anything but money. We have no kids (she said she wanted them before marriage then changed her mind), our home looks like a showroom, there is no warmth or joy or even comfort here. I hate it. I hate her. I am a 45 year old physician and I have barely enough savings to sustain us for 3 months. I want to retire someday, I want to enjoy my life.

I rented a cool apartment across town, in a “less desirable” neighborhood and there’s a stack of ikea furniture waiting for me to set it up there. The lease is up on the Mercedes my wife pushed me to lease next month and I will be replacing it with a used Prius. I’m starting therapy next week. I have a divorce attorney who has assured me that the prenup we signed before marriage means I won’t have to pay alimony. I hope to leave the higher-paying job that my wife insisted I take for something with less hours, sometime in the next year. I am going to ask out the pretty barista who flirts with me every morning.

I’m telling her first thing tomorrow. I’m expecting her to cry and beg and demand we try therapy. I don’t want any of that. This was never right, and I’m only sorry it took me so long to realize it. I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much of my life being married to a woman because I thought it was the right thing.

I am so excited.

Update (tried to post separately but it was taken down) posted today

First of all… damn. I didn’t expect the first post to blow up. I really was “getting it off my chest” and expected a few “good luck” comments and not much more. I know a lot of people were asking for an update so here goes:

Usually when I wake up, I go for a run or a bike ride. While I’m gone my wife gets up, gets dressed, gets a smoothie going… whatever. This morning I paced the kitchen, rehearsing what I had to tell her over and over again. When she finally came down, I felt oddly calm? I wasn’t expecting to be panicked exactly, but apprehensive at least?

I told her I needed to speak to her. She gave me an “uh huh” and didn’t look up from the coffee machine. Then I just came out with it. I told her I was leaving and that I wanted a divorce. That we hadn’t been happy in a long time and I felt as though she didn’t care about me or my emotional needs.

Pretty much instantly, the gaslighting began. She cried that I never get her flowers anymore, that I don’t do enough to support her, that I don’t care if she’s happy. I brought up the fact that I suggested therapy over a year ago and she agreed, but then made excuse after excuse not to go. I brought up the times she completely ignored the budget we worked on. I told her how it made me feel when she dismissed me when I tried to tell her how I was feeling.

The crying escalated then, along with begging for a chance to make this right, to go to therapy, that she would be better. It went like I thought it would go, and I felt absolutely nothing. I don’t care anymore. Whatever I once felt for her is just dead and gone, and she might as well have been a second cousin sobbing about her marriage for all the connection I felt to it. Eventually I just got fed up and walked out. She has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts which range from angry to begging to threatening. I started getting calls from her mother and mine too but the end of the day. I spoke briefly to my mother and calmly explained that I was sorry she didn’t hear it from me, but my wife was sucking me dry financially and emotionally and I couldn’t do it anymore. She was surprisingly supportive.

I’m currently in my new apartment. I unrolled the mattress-in-a-box and went to Walmart for sheets. I ate Thai takeout for dinner at the kitchen counter and watched a bit of Netflix on my computer. I have everything I need for the next few days. My wife is getting served tomorrow.

I keep expecting the sadness to set in but it hasn’t. I feel like a thousand pounds are off my shoulders and suddenly my future is full of possibilities. I’m going to travel, I’m going to try new restaurants, I’m going to take a job that actually makes me happy and proud instead of rich. Much to the internet’s chagrin, I will ask out the barista, because despite unpopular opinion she is both age appropriate (it’s her family’s business) and I do have the interpersonal skills to recognize the difference between customer service and actual connection.

Cheers, everyone. I’m going to have a beer and then take a walk around my new neighborhood.

Reminder- I am not the original poster.

Note: because a lot of people are commenting on “asking the barista out” thing, I will paste comment OP made about that:

Alright, folks. I’ve gotten a lot of comments begging me not to ask out the barista as it’s her job to be nice to me. I didn’t really get into the relationship I have with her because I didn’t think it was relevant to the divorce, but here goes:

I met her about a year ago. She’s 30. I don’t usually wear a wedding ring because my job requires me to scrub regularly. She actually asked me out (invited me to a food truck festival in town) a few months into knowing each other. I said I was married and she was embarrassed. Since then, we’ve had a bit of a running joke going where she asks me “so, still married?”. My current plan is to reply “not for long” and see what happens.

I appreciate the internet’s apprehension (in truth I would probably say the same thing if I didn’t know the back story) but I promise I’m not a creep

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

ORIGINAL by u/haicrii

I (29F) moved to the US 7 years ago as a grad school student from Indonesia. I met my boyfriend (30M) a few months after I moved and we've been together ever since. My boyfriend is a US citizen.

After I graduated, we had a serious discussion about where our relationship was headed. I made it very clear that I wanted to eventually get married and have children. My bf echoed the sentiments. I remember asking him if he saw that happening with me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with no future. He told me he loved me, and that we were definitely headed in that direction.

As of last week, we've been dating for 7 years. We've occasionally talked about marriage, but we were both busy with our respective careers, so the timing didn't seem quite right. However, recently my company announced that there's a chance that my department's work will be outsourced. I'm on an H1B visa (temporary worker), so this means that I need to start looking for a job ASAP if I want to continue staying in the US.

Last week, during our anniversary, I brought this up. I asked him if he thought it was the right time to think about getting married, as that will also help with sorting out my visa issues. He looked like he was about to vomit. After much prodding, he confessed that he wasn't planning on us getting married before I was able to get a green card (permanent resident) in the US. I was incredibly confused because he'd never mentioned this before. His reason was that he didn't want to be used as a "visa mule" (his words, not mine) by me and that he wanted to make sure that I married him because I loved him and not because it was a ticket to getting to stay in the US, which can only happen when I get a GC. It took me a while to process what he said, and I asked him if he'd be okay to move to Indonesia with me, which he wasn't. I did not react well and ended up leaving because I couldn't deal with what just happened.

​I am still in disbelief. I started dating him because he was the kindest, most thoughtful, and generous man I'd met. I now feel like I wasted seven years. While the visa issues are certainly a problem, I did not date him with the intention of making him my safety net. I cannot believe that even after nearly a decade together, he doesn't know what kind of person I am.

​I feel like this relationship is possibly over and it hurts. It hurts so much.

UPDATE

A few days back I made a post about how my bf of 7 years didn't want to marry me because I was an immigrant on an H1B, and he didn't want to be a visa mule.

I got a lot of wonderful comments and DMs (a few trolls too, but that's expected from Reddit haha).

Because the thread got locked and the post was subsequently removed (because I have a low-karma account), I was unable to respond to anyone. I'm posting this update to do that, plus add in some more things that have transpired since. (TL;DR at the bottom)

—

Addressing some of the stuff in the comments

• I've been on an H1B visa for a bit more than two years now. I was on STEM OPT for about three years after grad school. I had terrible luck with the H1B lottery and I got one in the last round I was eligible to apply in.
• Getting PR in the US is NOT easy. I know people who've been here for 15+ years who are still waiting for their PR.
• For those of you who DM'd me calling me a gold digger, you guys made me LOL. I am aware of the legalities around sponsoring a spouse for a PR, including the financial aspect. It shouldn't have been a problem for the following reasons:

1. I'm a STEM major who recently shifted into management. I work for a large company and I do quite well for myself. My boyfriend is a teacher and our incomes are not comparable (he earns around ~$60K, I earn close to ~$300K).
2. We've been living together for ~6 years. We have a shared account to pay for expenses like rent and utilities that we both deposit a percentage of our salary into. The rest of our money goes into our own private accounts and we don't manage each other's money.
3. Because I'm pretty frugal, I've saved up quite a bit of money in the form of savings + investments. If my boyfriend was worried about the legality of sponsoring me financially for 10+ years, I would have happily discussed moving the money around. I was even considering buying a house, so we could have made that a joint-ownership thing. The point is, we could have figured it out. I haven't relied on him financially ever, and I didn't intend on doing that in the future.
4. I might not have considered everything, but you have to note that I thought about the marriage-for-visa thing very recently, only when the threat of possibly having to leave loomed over me. This isn't something I'd thought about in detail at all.

• Regarding my situation back home in Indonesia: I come from a very religious and conservative family and had a horrible childhood. My family doesn't support my career choices. I cut contact with my family when I moved to the US, so they are not in the picture at all. I was on great terms with bf's family - they loved me. —

Now, for the actual update: He is now my ex-boyfriend

I took a few days to collect myself and then reached out to him wanting to talk. He agreed.

It turns out that he has been insecure about earning less than I did for a while. Apparently, his friends have been poking fun at our relationship, calling me the "sugar mommy" because I take care of most of the expenses. He never told me this until now. He apparently didn't feel like an equal because our pay differs so much, and started feeling that I was only with him as a quick way to get a PR here. I was speechless - I couldn't believe that his friends gaslighted him into doubting our relationship.

I reminded him how he had supported me when I was in grad school, like getting me groceries when I had little money to spare, allowing me to stay with him rent-free in my last year of grad school to help me minimize expenses so I didn't have to take out a loan, letting me use his car when I was attending interviews. I told him that he did them because he loved me and me taking on the majority of household expenses (since I started working) is my way of paying him back for all the things he did for me back then. He said that he gets what I'm saying but also that he didn't expect me to start earning more than him straight off the bat.

I asked if there was any chance he'd consider going to couple's therapy (like some of you had suggested) and he declined because he didn't think he was being unreasonable. He said that he wanted to be the "provider" in a relationship and that he didn't feel like one in ours, so there's no going back from this unless I quit my job and found another that paid substantially less, which isn't going to happen.

Well, long story short, we broke up. His family is in disbelief (they were hoping that he would propose soon). I've moved into an airbnb for now.

—

A little bit of good news to end this update with:

My company offered me a similar role in a different department. However, this is based out of France, and there's a small decrease in pay. I've always dreamed about living in Europe and I've accepted this offer. I've signed the relocation agreement, and I'll move there in the next 8-12 weeks.

—

TL;DR:

Boyfriend was insecure about earning less than me. Boyfriend has now become ex-boyfriend.

Company offered a new job in France. Leaving US in 2-3 months to start a new life in France.

Allons-y!

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here